ExOmelas

'Your black top soon replaced with a wondrous red color.' - this isn't a full sentence so it either should be attached to the previous sentence or add in 'was' ...

'She tried to move her hands which were on her lap.' - this doesn't quite flow right. I would suggest 'tried to move her hands from her lap'. 'She way ...

Ok, I'm struggling to remember what my thoughts were when I read it last night... I remember thinking that Dee's first reaction of wanting to leave him fitted her perfectly ...

When Michael asks about him still not being back it is unclear whether she is feeding or not at that point. Thank you so much. I'm in the middle of ...

You have no idea how much this means to me. The tv show, 'The Last Leg' mentioned that the Westboro Baptist Church were planning to picket his funeral because he ...

'A fire that keeps my warm' - 'my' should be 'me'. As a literary work this is very original. Most works about mental health are a confusing monologue that nobody ...

'A boys voice screamed' - 'boys' should be 'boy's'. 'Shut up Jay.' - there should be a comma before 'Jay'. 'came an southern American accent' - 'an' should be 'a' ...

'person who was lucky to witness such a simple but beautiful sight' - there should be an 'enough' between 'lucky' and 'to'. ', it was funny really,' - this should ...

Hey there. Loving this by the way. ', the youth didn’t start lining up until around ten' - this should be a new sentence here. 'It’s that compelling that creeps ...

'you've got people who go crazy for monster rpg games and dragon card games who always are stuck ups to teachers' - this should be a new sentence and I ...

'one feared for the outcome would surly bring both pain' - there should be a comma between 'feared' and 'for'. 'surly' should be 'surely'. You should take a line for ...

'I've only been to one sleepover so far and I'm thirteen!' - this sentence didn't really have the necessary impact. I would suggest changing 'so far' to 'in my life' ...

The first thing I've noticed is that this isn't separated out into paragraphs. I'll review it anyway but could you please separate it out? 'I have blood all over my ...

'mother in law’s voice' - 'mother in law's' should be 'mother-in-law's'. 'treated in more protective manner' - there should be an 'a' between 'in' and 'more'. 'take bath in the ...

', when we grew close Betty put her arms out and stopped us.' - this should be a new sentence. And you should start a new paragraph for the direct ...