Young Writers Society

HI Abhilash!!

This is Eros (Akanksha) here!!

I loved your work. It was soooooooo awesome.It has won my heart.You are a real artist. After I finished reading " Her eyes " I literally clapped for you. I am really by your work. It has moved me. Your writing has a great power. I really love it.

You are a talented writer. I appreciate your writing.
Continue writing such stuff and we will continue loving them.....

Hey. Signing in to review.

Firstly, rain is NOT bad for pregnant ladies. Secondly, "She was the daughter in law of a farmer family." I think it should be "She was the daughter in law of a farmer." Family, isn't quite necessary here.

" Pregnant women are treated in more protective manner in India and it’s even more in villages. There’s a traditional way of treating pregnant women in India and it’s strictly followed in the villages." Incorrect. The first line, there should be an "a" before "more protective manner". Then, the second line meant the same as first, so that wasn't required.

"There was a beautiful lake in the village and it was in between the village and a forest. People avoided going to that lake after the evening as it was near to the forest and had a fear that they could be the easy prey those wild animals get." One line was not necessary.

"still there were no signs of Sun." Should be "the sun"

Okay, so I won't point out all the flaws, but let me tell you, you need to work on your articles. Like you miss out on "an, "a" and "the". Second thing, some lines are complete repetitions of other lines.

But the story was great. Nice thinking. The pregnant tigress and the lady, it was just amazing. The way you brought it out in the end was nice.

Keep writing.

Here to review! ^-^

I can see you already have lots of reviews on this piece, so I'm probably restating a lot of things. But the grammar could be better. Also, I genuinely like the concept. It interests me, as I love tigers. This strikes my heart by the sadness which it conveys. The plotline is good, with good characters. But I believe that she shouldn't have gone out alone. Pregnant women usually get their desires.

Overall, a nice piece that could use some better grammar, but has a good author.

Hey there, Abhilash!

Well, I see that you've already gotten some good reviews below about grammar, so I'll leave that be for now. If you would want to know more about what I think of that aspect, as well as some corrections I would have done, feel free to send me a message! What's left for me to talk about now would be the story itself.

The concept it genuinely interesting, especially with some posts I see these days about how animals could feel more for others than we humans can. I think this story is emphasizing that. I like how you presented the contrast here. It would really make you wonder what's wrong with us, like how we're quick to judge, while an animal we consider wild is still in tune with its emotions. I'm not saying we aren't, but perhaps, they do more action towards these emotions than we do.

There's something that's bothering me though. It might be something in Indian culture, but how come the men suddenly became sad that they killed a tigress? They sure were hell-bent on killing it earlier - what made them depressed so suddenly? Was it because it was pregnant? In my line of thinking, they wanted it gone to keep the other people safe, so that gender issue shouldn't change their view that much at all. Another thing, why was she so sure her mother-in-law wouldn't let her go out? As you stated, they have a custom to grant pregnant women's wishes. That part seemed a little foolish for me, I mean, for Anusuya to go out alone.

All those aside, I don't think I have much more to say story-wise. In general, I'd just advise you to do a reread and edit some sentences here and there, to make this story shine out more. Given that the concept is good, once the execution becomes better, it's bound to stand out in it's own way. Good luck! I hope this review is beneficial for you.

Hey Abhilash~
I'm sorry it took me so long to get to this. I've had things in the real world getting in my way. Here I am now though~

I do like the pacing and the tone of this story. It gives a very comfortable folktale vibe to the entire story.

There are a few issues though.

First, her reasons for going to the lake keep the reader from believing. It suspends belief. I think you need to rethink how she gets to the lake. Maybe she took a walk and didn't realize how far she'd gone (she seems like the kind to get lost in her own world), taking a dip in the lake because she's really hot or something along those lines, something a reader could relate to rather than this mysterious pregnancy urge.

I also want to see more of Anusuya's character. You say she goes through a 'rebirth,' implying some kind of change. This change would be more obvious to the reader if you illustrated Anusuya's character a little more in the beginning and then highlighted the changes after her dip in the lake. I love stories that center around a character change, and that's what your story focuses on, so you need to show the reader in crisp, clear words how Anusuya was reborn.

Finally, the last paragraph is a little disappointing. The reader has already inferred a lot of what you write such as because the tiger was pregnant she spared Anusuya, woman and tiger relating to each other. You don't have to tell us this. Spelling out the connection between the tiger and Anusuya bogs down the ending and makes it so that it isn't memorable. You want to end with something that has a bit more pop and flavor to it. I suggest you end it with a brief glimpse of her reaction at finding out that the tiger was pregnant.

I love this concept. I think it has a lot of potential.

See ya,
Megs~

Hello Abhilash!

So I liked this. Just like the rest of us on here, there are a few places you could improve but for the most part I really liked it.

The culture that is shown in this story is my favorite part and I must say that that is where your piece gets it's magic.

The ending where you revel that the tiger is actually expecting herself was a very nice touch, though the ending was sad.

All in all this was good and liked it.

My only advice to you would be, try to show the readers what is happening more then tell.

Keep up the good writing.

-DG

Good evening, and nice work you have here!

I'm the title, it was supposed to be "Her Eyes", but instead you put it as "Hey Eyes". Typo, maybe? And from many, many weeks of experience, I see this sentence doesn't flow as well as the first.

"Anusuya stood in the front yard and just kept watching the show which was put on by the clouds."

Maybe,

"Anusuya stood in the front yard, watching the show performed by the clouds."

A few errors popped out in these sentences. "In law" is used WAY too many times in this paragraph and the one before. In "purchase some farming equipments", "equipments" should be "equipment". "It's" should be "". Nothing. Nada, zilch. Take it out.

"She was the daughter in law of a farmer family. Her husband and father in law were in town to purchase some farming equipments. Pregnant women are treated in more protective manner in India and it’s even more in villages."

This part was confusing in general.

"Anusuya got a little different pregnancy desire to go and take bath in the lake."

"Fulfil" is "fulfill", and "women" is plural, so it should be "woman", courtesy of the a before it.

".. should fulfil all the desires of a pregnant women."

Why is this split into two sentences? Just put a comma where the period is.

"After half an hour walk. Her eyes filled with happiness and a big smile occurred on her face as she saw the lake."

No space after the quotation marks, punctuation after the last word before the quotation mark, "hum" should be "how".

"“ I wouldn’t have said no to a pregnant’s desire, please, for god’s sake don’t do this again, if you want anything please ask. This is a rebirth for you my dear” her tone showed hum much love she had for her daughter..."

The name should be capitalized.

"...they didn’t pay heed to what anusuya said."

1) capitalize "we" after the first quotation mark. 2) the whole thing between the quotation marks was run-on. 3) punctuation after "animal". 4) "a" after "of".

"Sudhindra came near his wife, sat down and said in a depressing tone “we found the tiger near the outskirts of the forest and killed it but it was a tigress and was pregnant, we realised it only after we killed the it, we feel terrible and I know any god in the world will not forgive out sin and I promise that from today I will never hurt or kill any animal” a drop of tear rolled down his cheek and hit the ground."

This was amazing, though, and it really captivated me. No one has written a story this good. Keep a lookout for me, I might follow you if you follow me, wisegirl22!

Hello, Abhilash007. Wolf here for a review.

So, as Biscuits pointed out, there are quite a few grammar errors in this, some being run-on sentences, or sentence fragments, but I'll just leave it at that.

Alright, my very first reaction to this was, "What?" This wasn't really engaging to me, and I had to kind of push myself to keep reading rather than getting enveloped in the story. Usually what makes or breaks how involved a story is is usually the first sentence/paragraph. When I read the first sentence I was extremely confused. To be honest it didn't really make sense to me. I kind of feel like its trying to be too flowery, or loaded with description, it just makes no sense. Sorry if I'm sounding harsh, but I'm stating my thoughts. Maybe try to clean that up a little bit and make it more clear. That first sentence, along with many others, can probably shortened into more clear sentences that get to the point faster, but still have that imagery in it.

Second, there are a lot of things in here that are repeated over and over and over and over and over again. Such as her being pregnant. So when you mention it the first time it feels a little out of place but I go along with it. The second time I'm a little confused, but I feel like you're trying to reiterate the point. Though, the third time and all other ten times after that that you mention she's pregnant, I feel like it just kind of drags on. Okay, we get it, she's pregnant it doesn't have to be said over and over. Also, sometimes two sentences will be right next to each other, but the overall meaning of it is the exact same. Such as when they were talking about the special way to treat pregnant women, which really seems irrelevant to me.

Which leads me into point three. Spots here and there feel like they are too wordy and just tell us random stuff that we really don't need to know to understand the story. Back to the pregnant thing. We don't have to know that women in India are treated special because they are pregnant. People can kind of guess since there is a child inside her that they need to be extra careful with her. Maybe in the pregnant urge thing seemed kind of strange to me.

Enough criticism, to the things I liked. This was a quite interesting concept, and I feel that you did pretty well executing it. It was short and, towards the end, kind of got right to the point. You have a nice balance between actions and thoughts, but I recommend adding some more descriptions in there and maybe some dialogue between the characters to kind of help us see how they are like.

On the the characters, you do a really nice job in the beginning showing the relationship of the mother-in-law with Anusuya and also her mother-in-law's personality. She seems to be pretty strict, but she only does it because she cares about Anusuya. I just kind of wish there was a name for her rather than just 'mother-in-law'. Anyways, nice job. Keep on Writing,
~Wolfare~

'mother in law’s voice' - 'mother in law's' should be 'mother-in-law's'.

'treated in more protective manner' - there should be an 'a' between 'in' and 'more'.

'take bath in the lake.' - there should be an 'a' between 'take' and 'bath'.

'So she sneaked out from the backdoor.' - 'sneaked' should be 'snuck'. And according to Google Chrome's dictionary, 'back door' is two words.

'After half an hour walk. Her eyes filled' - this should not be a new sentence. It should be 'walk, her'.

'big smile occurred on her face' - 'occurred' isn't quite the right word. 'appeared' might work better.

'She was completely lost in the moment with her eyes closed, it was a moment of complete satisfaction for her.' - this should be two sentences.

'which she was warned but never thought' - there should be an 'of' between 'warned' and 'but'.

'It just stood there as a rock' - you should probably have 'still' between 'there' and 'still'.

'how much flesh it can get' - 'can' should be 'could'.

', it was not violent' - this should be a new sentence rather than a comma here.

'She came near her and asked “I was so worried about you. Where were you?”' - you should take a new line for direct speech. Also, this first part is not a question. Either not use the word 'asked' or put 'asked' at the end so it's next to the question.

'she said “ I wouldn’t' - there should be a comma after 'said' and no space between the speech marks and 'I'.

'This is a rebirth for you my dear” her tone' - there should be a full stop before the speech marks and 'Her' should have a capital 'H'.

'Their faced turned' - 'faced' should be 'faces'.

'Few hours later both' - This should be 'A few hours later both'.

'will not forgive out sin' - 'out' should be 'hour'.

'make an eye contact' - 'an' should be 'any'.

'but one was a rational and civilized' - you don't need the 'a'.

'but other one was a wild' - you have already used the word 'but' in this sentence. I would suggest taking a new sentence and starting: 'The other was a wild'.

'was the rational animal who have' - 'was' is for singular and 'have' is for plural. I could change 'was' to 'were' and 'animal' to animals'. You could also have 'was the rational animal who had'.


Okay plot stuff.

You're characterisation is excellent and I can really understand the relationship between Anusuya and her mother-in-law. This is a very exciting and touching piece that stabs the reader with cruel irony that shows us the hypocritical nature of our species. Bravo!

I would like a little more description of the tiger and the ending seemed a little rushed - just the last few sentences. It can be tempting to round up the rest of a character's life but I would just say something like 'She simply could not forget the tigress's eyes which had the expression of a smile' rather than use the word 'always'. A short story should be a snapshot of a life and you sort of extended the boundary a bit far.

I love your setting by the way.

Well done!