ExOmelas

'Yet, it grew stronger, louder, crackling in and out of existence like the bass of a car's subwoofers a block a way.' - could that be a TARDIS... (I am ...

This is a really sweet work. And by that I mean adorable, not like the way the turtle from Finding Nemo goes 'Sweet, dude!'. That said, my only problem is ...

Okay, I only counted about 6 grammar errors in this. I'll let you see if you can find them. Onto plot. Your characterisation is spot on. As are your plot ...

The thought that Ryu has in the first paragraph does not need speech marks around it. 'born him two children' - 'born' should be 'borne'. 'borne' is the past tense ...

I'll do nit-picks first: 'without adoubt' - 'a doubt' is two words. 'backroom,returning to the real' - you missed the space after the comma. I think you should very much ...

'Due to the severe lack of blood, the human was killed on the spot.' - I understand that they killed the human because they were hungry (?) but see that ...

'I am sorry, sometimes I am just so clumsy' - these should be two separate sentences. ''But no.' I softly answer' - the full stop should be a comma. Ouch. ...

'Mommy asked if I wanted to see daddy' - 'Daddy' should have a capital D. Ok, I too am having trouble understanding how this can possibly not be a sad ...

''Ta-da!' I say. He laughed a little.' - 'say' is present tense. ' laughed' is past tense. Pick a side and stick with it. ;) 'I grab the first thing ...

'grabbed a hold on me' - 'on' should be 'of'. 'a wave of common sense went over me' - you could use a water-related word instead of 'went' here. Your ...

'she reminisced on the time' - as far as I know, 'on' should be 'about'. I think when you mention 'where her life went wrong' you should mention what did ...

I can find only one grammar mistake in all of this and I'm not even one hundred per cent sure I'm right about. Actually never mind I read it again. ...

'at least in my prospective' - 'prospective' should be 'perspective'. Prospective is like when you're applying to Uni and you are a prospective candidate to be a student at that ...

'venders' - is spelled 'vendors'. 'You lookin’ for a fine knife miss?' - there should be a comma before 'miss'. 'I had to admit ... I want it badly ...' ...

Nit-picks first: 'Nor, did it feel like my own' - you don't need a comma here. 'the same table with the clock' - 'with' should be 'as'. 'hand to me ...