Evangelina

"The stars were alight," And such a beautiful night The glimmer the glamor Oh, the stars of the night!" But the stars of the night Were none to compare Oh, ...

Cade basically said everything I wanted to say. Let's just remember: the best poems can be ont he simplest and most childish things. Just don't make them "cutsey". Overall good ...

Wow, this IS a long poem. But you know onto the poetry! The first stanza's rhymes sound forced--somewhere between "time" and "rhyme" something needs to change. Also the stamping/squashing of ...

I'd consider revising the last two lines of the second stanza--the rhyme seems rather forced and choppy. Also I don't feel like the last to lines of the poem connect ...

Yes, it is rather vague, rather cliched, and not wholly original... I do like the beginning and I think you have a good thing going--it just takes more than twenty ...

A few punctuation errors that you should be able to find in a short runthrough. I'm also not quite sure how midnight rain is related to this kind of depressing ...

Haha. This is a cute poem. Cute being the operative word here. I would try on making the rhymes seem less forced, and smooth out the lines so it flows ...

L3 of S1 is rather long and awkwardish. "Fangs come out to taste" is a bit wordy--"Fangs out to taste" might be better. The last line also doesn't rhyme very ...

Ahhh, don't I know the feeling... :( For the poem itself: It falls into a repeated pattern that grows monotonous around "creativity has deserted me". Try to jumble it up ...

tricked and fooled lies and more Try to make the beginning less "grocery list" sounding: instead of ...and...and... try something that flows more how could it be so? we were ...

1. We reach for one another - a dog barks in the darkness outside, a beat drops from a passing car, a door down the hall slams shut. We are ...

Oooh, nice! I love the pretty words, and what a striking beginning! That being said: I would dump S4 and S5, and come to think of it, the last stanza ...

In a world where my dignity lies ; Where the hardest part of all, Was watching it go. This seems incomplete. Do you want to link it to the beginning? ...

Oooh, this is not bad. I especially liked: there's a Pandora in your eyes there are ribbons of dynamite in your veins You beginning very strong, sort of Euclidean-like. Imagery ...

Oh, Swirl, do I know how you feel...I've changed schools almost eight times! :( but on to the poem! I feel like this is a list. You are writing your ...