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Re: Lost Magic. Chapter 6
Hello! Raven here to do another review! Nitpicks! In the last paragraph you have Grace's point of view in third person. And in the last couple of sentences you use ...
May 18, 2014 -
Re: Pokemon Truth of Destiny
Hi, Raven here for a review. Now I must say, this is fairly long, you might want to post it 5 episodes at a time. Nitpicks Formatting And the way ...
May 16, 2014 -
Re: The Ringing Phone (First Draft)
Hi, Raven here for a review! But first nitpicks... “He-hello” yYou need a period or a question mark before the double quotation mark. And you seem to forget to put ...
May 16, 2014 -
Re: Meeting him/her
Hi, Raven here for a review. Nitpicks. “Colin, over here,” I heard Bryce shout ed No need for the 'ed'. I replied This has nothing wrong with it, except the ...
May 15, 2014 -
Re: Lost Magic. Chapter 5
Hi, Raven here for a review. You are getting better at descriptions I must give you that. But you are still telling some parts. You said that your MC got ...
May 13, 2014 -
Re: Happy Mothers Day, Mommy
Hey, Raven here for a review. Okay... wow. That was (for lack of better word) creepy. When I first started reading I didn't realize this was going to be scary. ...
May 12, 2014 -
Re: Lost Magic. Chapter 3
Hi, Raven here for a review (forgive me if I make a mistake, I am on my phone). In the intro you have a lot of dialogue, and no description. ...
May 7, 2014 -
Re: Life As A Criminal- SERIES FINALLY- Parts 9/10- Please Don't Leave!- Classic Ending.
Hi, Raven here for a review! Sorry for any mistakes, I am on my phone. I have been following this story since the beginning and I hate to see this ...
May 7, 2014 -
Re: The Z.A.A.C Initiative
Hi, Raven here to review. This seems to have great potential, just a few nitpicks. This seems to be mostly dialogue, you might want to change that. And in the ...
May 6, 2014 -
Re: The Guide to Being an Expert Gift Giver
Hi, Raven here for a review! First nitpicks. oDig into your memory bank Stuff in red: Remove the ‘o’. And you also do this throughout the rest of the essay, ...
May 5, 2014 -
Re: My life
Hi, Raven here to review as requested. But first nitpicks. So I learn not to laugh. Stuff in red: I would use learned there because, to me it feels like ...
Apr 30, 2014 -
Re: The 2020 War Chapter 1 The Letter
Hi, Raven here to review this work of yours! Let's start off with some nitpicks, shall we? I’m an 18 year old girl . My name’s Mickey White. I'm 18 ...
Apr 29, 2014 -
Re: ~Till death do we part~
Hi, Raven here to review as promised. Just a few nitpicks. “you have no idea how It feels, to be left at birth never knowing anything, never had anyone. I ...
Apr 16, 2014 -
Re: zayn's vampire girlfriend
Hi, I am here to review your story. Sentence by sentence. Dun, dun, dun! h ave you heard z ayn has a vampire girlfriend named Katey. Stuff in red: You ...
Apr 15, 2014 -
Re: Impossible Dreams
Hi, I got Chapter 8, before I had to stop. But this is what I spotted. My name is Riley. I am 276 years old. I look like your typical ...
Apr 14, 2014