Esmé

Hey, Is this book1? If no, ignore. If yes - I don't particularly like the chapter/book-in-general starting off with two deaths of people clearly clsoe to the protagonist's heart, but ...

Hello! As others before me mentioned, this is one chunky block of a paragraph. The general rule is to start a new line when a new characters begins speaking. Splits ...

Hello! Article on dialogue punctuation by Demeter can be found here: Since you have so much dialogue, you absolutely have to get it right!! This dialogue, somebody above said it's ...

Hello! If Rowling had only started and not finished off - we'd all be terribly unhappy, wouldn't we? Writing for fun and practise and whatever else without finishing is fine, ...

Hello! Die, prologue (blurb?). Seriously. Fantastic plot – if I read it on the back of a book, I'd pick it up most definitely – but as a reader, I'd ...

Hello! Welcome to YWS, a superb writing site :) Hmm. All I'm seeing here is backstory – some awesome, fantastic, thought-through backstory, but backstory nevertheless. It's not action happening here

Hey! I liked tag turning into hide-and-seek – very nice illustration of what was happening. But at some point, Lissa is afraid to touch the bird (diseases). In the beginning ...

Hello! One thing that I notice – a lot of sentences start out with a pronoun, „she”. This makes the most interesting and colorful baloon deflate, because writing becomes repeatable. ...

Welcome to YWS, it's a superb writing site. If I were asked to take a big red marker and divide this chapter into parts, I'd know exactly where to put ...

Hello! Welcome to YWS, a very terrific place indeed :) OK, so description is the central part of this story, since nothing is spoken (and so no dialogue) and nothing ...

Hello, We have the MC in a Situation. The character then quite properly Mulls It Over and reaches a certain Conclusion – because honsetly, how long would anyoen put up ...

Hello! Welcome to YWS, hope you'll love it here. OK, so you've got a novel idea as to how to show a story. The spacing and lettering out and the ...

Hello! Haven't read part one, so I'll just crit this without having anything to fall back on – it has less reviews then the other one. quote: Dracven had seen ...

Hello! I don't understand the italics part and that's bothering me. Scrolled down, skimmed, saw sthing in (maybe) Latin, went "oooh", but there's not aserisk or whatnot and translation. I ...

Hello, Welcome to YWS, hope you'll love it here and will have a splending time! Remember to review others' works, too :) Haha I seriously had the title assosiated with ...