Esmé

Hey! OK, one thing that I noticed and which absolutely has nothing to do with the story side of the story (yeah... / to which I promise I'll get to, ...

Hello! Many and many points for an interesting and drawing in text – as a standalone, it was fine. A clear narrator who stands out and speaks in a way ...

Hey! I'm not too fond of that first sentence. He did this and did that, and did so many things (quantity is mostly what got me here...). I definitely liked ...

Hey! That first sentence, made me think of a staircase with really highsteps (was heaving and red-cheeked by the end): so many adjectives! Reader doesn't focus on the flow, story, ...

Hey. Foudn the 'how do you know about the code?!|' repetition a bit eh. And I've kinda taken a liking to that last little word. So expressive! :p But Jean's ...

Hey! The beginning's a mishmash. Dance, circle, tread toes, always speaking of one but in the end not. It's choppy, consider rephrasing. The sky's blue, it's azure, it's a bit ...

Hey! Short and sweet, a baby, mysterious person and Demon Hunters (and yea, title is what got me :)). Sincerely hope you'll move onward with this! Before actually getting to ...

Hello! First off are the uncapitalized "I's and words after periods, but those are little things that can be fixed during a re-read. Dialogue punctuation. Those big blobs of paragraphs, ...

Hello, First off, first three - lines. Voice descriptions. One's cool, two's okay veering toward a grimace, three (in a row), eek. In word's to use, your limitless; can do ...

Hello! First paragraph structure: weather descr; people (unimportant to plot, so - filler.) descr; enter the MC. Now, sentence one and two connect, click, whatever, while that third proper intro ...

Hi, Ivy as in ivy or person? If person - capitalize. A little thing to fix (like not having quotes when a character speaks) before posting that a writer could ...

Hey, My main problem is that I'm attacked by Ray from all sides. Ray's a force of nature, Ray's everywhere. He's in the prologue, he appears just at the start ...

Hi! Welcome to YWS :) Alright, a lot of this is made up of dialogue. That means (and even if there were less, too!) proper dialogue punctuation is a must. ...

Hello, Welcome to YWS, capitalize your "i"s. Like, seriously. Dialogue punctuation can be studied here: If you want a proper reviewm, you really have to write more than one paragraph ...

Hey! First sentence - so many commas. Now, a comma is your friend - a very dear friend, as it were. But put too many and the reader might just ...