Esmé

Hello!! Welcome to YWS!! I adored the ‘rain pelted down’. What lovely phrasing! So, I adored that and then I’d kill the rest of the paragraph. Yep, I know it’s ...

Hello! The first paragraph was okay. I sort of feel that it could be better. It has the feel of wanting to angle for a dynamic, grabbing intro, and it ...

Hey, Alright, so I think the story loses somewhat on generalizations: „like a human torso”, “faster than what most people could see”. No 1 is kinda okay, I guess, but ...

Hey, So I think that secondo part of the first paragraph can be cut off. That’s because the words themselves are ones which would suggest that the reader ends up ...

Hey, If one opens a door it opens. Not that riveting! So, I’d change the beginning sentence because blah blah blah it’s the beginning sentence, it’s supposed to be blah ...

Hey, Just skimming down at first – you change tenses: “As he walks, he takes a quick break to look around. Reaching in his pocket, he pulled”. Watch out for ...

Hey, This first scene, I’m not sure I entirely like it. “the only newborn baby” – that threw me off, confused me, made me shrug my shoulders and move on. ...

Hello! Odd title. Odd, but certainly eye-catching (it's what brought me here originally). Oh, flash fiction is so horribly hard. Fitting everything into a minimal amount of words – I ...

Hello! OK, so I have mixed feeling about the beginning. I mean, I like the first sentence because it’s a mirror to a question, which begs to be answered and ...

Hello! Goodness, the synopsis is longer almost than the chapter itself, hah. But I suppose it does clear out some things (maybe in that ‘novel section’). Right, but these are ...

Hello! Haven’t read part one, but first four lines and I already adore Rapunzel. Adore her. Drama queen with a flair for the dramatic (the shriek, the gasp, the wringing ...

Hello, The idea's pretty much amazing, one of the ones which just makes the writerly-inclined reader think, "Why didn't I think of that?!" So it's in morose spirits that I'm ...

Heyyy. Most of those in the room looked taken aback as they recognized Sandar. - this is an old grieviance, right? =) The void...what a bleak term for a concept ...

Hello, hello, Just noticed the continuations are already posted! Ah well, here I am. _ For a good afternoon I get The Device mentioned; fine, fine. Let it exist then, ...

Hey, So the beginning drew me right in. I don't care what the others say, I liked that beginning paragraph. To further muddle you up, I do advise you to ...