EmiAnne

Hey, hello! So first off, the very beginning before the story, when you said "its about a..." that's not good. Now we know exactly everything pretty much that happens in ...

Hmmm... this is quite nice. I like your descriptions, (which I guess is the entire point of your story) as they are good. Go back and read it out loud ...

Okay, so.... :D What descriptions you had were very good. however, :arrow: You have very few descriptions. You said, "soft, dark Hispanic skin" and that is a good, short & ...

Um, this is... interesting. :?: Well, the premise is confusing, and it took me a few reads to get it. Maybe make it a little more clear? :D I really ...

...interesting... :arrow: "I almost always forgot to turn out the lights. Tonight was no exception." If tonight is no exception, then wouldn't she have not turned out the lights tonight ...

Well... :D Generally, history reports are incredibly boring, including mine. Yours kept me engaged and made me want to read the next paragraph. :?: The first little line "Evil knows..." ...

Hmmm... :arrow: The first paragraph is a little bit confusing. :?: So, when the old lady limps in, how can he tell that ther hair had been "brought to a ...

This sounds sort of historical-fictiony, but not in a bad way. Maybe it's just the part about the Victorians houses, but suddenly I thought about things like Pride & Prejudice, ...

I think that this is interesting. I like the part about how her hair is "the colour of Autumn," i think that that is really nice. the moment you said ...

i like this piece! :arrow: the first sentence seems sort of in-the-action and very unusual. I like starting in the middle of the action, but you need to also sort ...

hmm.. this seems sort of like Other Fiction instead. I think that it's nice! Well when you talk about the scientist, I think it would sound more... epic... to say ...

Aww, this is a really nice poem. I like your simplistic rhyming and good subject matter. The thing that I like is that even though the main majority of people ...

This is a very nice little piece; a good start to something bigger and grander and longer. I like your imagery when you talk about how Ben had been writing ...

Hi, I'm Kelly, and I can't wait to review your story! :arrow: so, in the very beginning of your story, you are primarily telling and not showing. We all know ...

i like it so much. It shows how sometimes, no matter what you do, you cannnot make someone love you. To make this longer, you could say something like a ...