EmeraldEyes

Hey. I did check out your book by the way, looks very professional. I am impressed. I feel a bit inferior reviewing this work now: “There is somewhere I want ...

Hi. I took a minute to adjust the genre here, but it made sense when I got halfway through. There's a typo here btw: “You mother lives in Redreef? When ...

Hi. What a hook: The line went dead. No… You have the initial statement and then the thoughts of the character. Very good choice. :) “What did you tell them?” ...

Awww. Welcome to YWS. Writing your first work to post on here is a big thing and you didn't disappoint. :) I liked the first person narrative, very good choice. ...

Hi. The title of this seemed rather vicious. XD the real disposition of that beloved hunk of wood, or the way in which he really handled I must admit when ...

Hi. I was really confused by the way this was written. You had all the dialogue at the top and all the description at the bottom. There's a few typos ...

Hi. So this was a nice short piece. Some of the character names were a bit complicated for me to pronounce in my head, so I just shortened it to ...

Hi. I agree with the comment below, you should have posted this in two parts. I. Just. Kept. Scrolling. XD I seriously thought this wasn't going to end. Now, I ...

Hi. So you put a novel idea into a poem format. OK. :) Arnold is obviously your protagonist: Arnold arrived sometime midday, and you introduce him and the setting straight ...

Hi. You changed it to installment! XD Ha ha If there is anything in this world to hold onto, it was sleep, John reasoned I love this line, I feel ...

Hi. I am really sorry for your loss. I can see that this poem is a very physical and emotive form of expression. And it is lovely. Would it also ...

Hello again I was excited to continue reading this (and still am) XD So, I thought... this was pure adventure fodder! “Through here,” Tirion said. His brown skin shone with ...

Hi. Hmmm. So this follows Peyton's adventure. I didn't get why the first half of the opening line was in bold and then the rest of it was just normal. ...

Hey. I can't say why, but the opening line here struck me as funny: Sir’s eyes were black and hollow, but his new bones were so much more prominent. There ...

You wrote "lips putter" you mean pucker XD And I got you to change it so you didn't look silly. :P XD Now for the review :) So stanza 1 ...