Embee

Hey, I like this beginning a lot more than the one you had before. It's an interesting chapter and it's a good start to your story. It has more of ...

Hey, this was pretty lengthy, but I read all of it. :D I really liked your main character; she seems well developed as of now, just make sure she changes ...

Hey, I think you have a very interesting history set up here. But, this was a little difficult to get through and in some parts, it felt too info dump-y. ...

Hello and welcome to YWS! His legs lay sprawled against the floor, his back against the wall. Would sound better as: His legs were sprawled out against the floor; his ...

Hey, I thought this was very well written. When I got to the middle, I kind of lost interest, but I didn't find any major grammatical errors. Are you? Yes. ...

I personally like how you don't use their names. It's a nice little piece, but you jump quickly from emotion to emotion. You need to have build up between the ...

Hey, here as requested...except I got here too late. :| “What, missing you?” She was stunned at my response. “No, silly. Calling them urchins and filth! That’s really not the ...

Hello and welcome to YWS! I definitely think you should continue and you should never give up writing; it doesn't matter who likes it and who doesn't. ;) Chief Nini ...

Hello Tomothy, my name is Embee and I'll be your reviewer for today. Dreadful weather, it seems to have been following me ever since that damn farmer noticed me hiding ...

Hey penprincess! To be honest with you, I couldn't get through this. I skimmed through most of it, but it was very long. Maybe you could break it down into ...

Hey and welcome to YWS! I completely agree with everything that Jane said. I think the friendship between the girls is very realistic, but you should give it more personality. ...

Hey! Just some nitpicks. :smt002 “NOAH!” a mass of blurred red curls screamed, as they came hurdling out of the old house, and into the lanky boy’s arms. Take out ...

...wow. I think you have an amazing idea here. Definitely captivating. This text in which you are reading is not an anti-religious novel, nor is it any sort of religion ...

Hey I think you did a good job of showing the main character's grief and confusion over Amy's murder. I agree with Lava on the comment about repeating "they caught ...

Hey, I really enjoyed this chapter. I'm getting annoyed with Olivia and I hope she gets caught and justice is served! :lol: Everyone else seemed to catch all the grammar ...