Em16

First off, I want to say this was one of the wackiest, craziest things I’ve read on YWS, and I love it. It’s just so many levels of weird and ...

Wow. This was heartbreaking. You really were able to show the world of the characters, and create that image in my head. I love how you move back and forth ...

Specific Comments: Stanza 2, Line 4: I love the way you say “these broken bodies are only vessels”. I don’t exactly know why that line is so good, but it ...

Nice job with the opening paragraph! The suspense immediately drew me into the story and I wanted to know more. However, I was left wondering who the narrator is. They ...

Hi, I’m Em16! First off, I’d like to say you did a great job with the tone of this poem. It felt so unreal and ethereal, almost like a ghost ...

First off, nice job with the rhyme scheme! A rhyme scheme can often feel forced and constricted, but I felt this rhyme scheme flowed quite naturally. You also did a ...

Hey! Nice job on this piece. I’m super impressed that you were able to write such a beautiful, and coherent sestina. Sestinas are hard. I also loved the way you ...

Hey! This piece was great. I love the way you started out talking about advertisements, and then quickly shifted to love. It’s so ominous. Advertisements represent commercialism, which should be ...

I love the first line. It’s so enticing, and immediately draws in the reader. I also love the way you describe how your thoughts take over your body and mind. ...

Hey! I love the descriptions in this piece. “Her eyes- / they look like pearls in the throes of the ocean” is a particularly beautiful description. I also love the ...

Specific Comments: Stanza 1, Line 2: Nice alliteration! Stanza 1, Lines 3-5: I love the imagery here. It brings to my mind a pottery vase or bowl, being shaped by ...

I liked this story. It was very unique, definitely unlike anything I’ve ever read before. I liked the descriptions, and the way you lead the reader through the whole story. ...

Specific Comments: Paragraph 1, Line 1: What happened to the thing Marxei needed help with? Did it get resolved? Also, why are she and Rhysive chatting? They barely know each ...

Specific Comments: Paragraph 1, Line 1: You start the story by saying “across town was a bard performing a song”. You then reveal this bard is Rhysive; why don’t you ...

Specific Comments: Part 1, Paragraph 1: Your opening paragraph is very interesting, and philosophical. However, for the opening paragraph of a novel, I felt it was a little too vague. ...