Elizabeth

"Your lips are moist… Wet after sipping a glass of wine" People could assume his lips are already moist and wet... no need for repitition. I got majorly confused, who ...

"Makes my feel like I got a new toy " Toddlers and romance... ahh, how lovely? Forced rhyme here, my opinion, could have used a better word, metaphor, comparison... whatever ...

Whoa, this was creepy to the fifth power man! But at the sametime so awesome.... But disturbing... Are you alright? :P "Here, we’ll become wise, stare smack-dab into our skew ...

It was pretty though. I hope everything is alright though. I liked the part: Has his own shadows of the past His own weaknesses too Everybody has one, that's for ...

"Oh my stunning and sparkling star " That line was only 9 syllables, you need 5 iambs. "Though may not notice me at this time. " Though YOU maybe... need ...

Don't use chat abbreviations like "

This is a story about a dream which did not go as it seemed. There was Lennie and George best of friend s who tested their friendship till the end ...

Memohirs .. What's that mean? Memoirs? I'm pretty sure there isn't any H. And Nameless and Shamed, stupid is spelt with a 'U' :P And Narriative with 2 R's! :P ...

"throught" Through I believe.... noiseless? I don't know, but is that a word? It'd be better to put SILENT Anyway, this is sad, I hope it's not based upon actual ...

Smells like central heating Or the insides of houses Isn't central heating... inside houses? I liked this, it reminded me of Connor. Of course I like things I can relate ...

Heh, I could write like this when I was in the hospital, and before when I was on medication. I liked this, of course, you're like becoming one of my ...

hee hee hee how rude of the animal patrol to just barge in on him and the dog and the girl. How very very rude, I should slap him for ...

"I feel cold, and numb," I don't think you need a comma after COLD... just "I feel cold and numb," would work. "And Mom, what about her? After those long ...

"light wining" Whining This was quite original... you had this olde english theme going with this high school drama thing. I liked it... it was a bit too clumpped together ...

This was a cute simple poem. Full of this little childish glow though, it reflects beautifully. I loved it though :) I love cats still, so you can't change my ...