Elelel

I bit 'fast' I'd say. Lot's of stuff happens, but it happens over a too short a period of time. It'd be better with an intro showing her in her ...

The first verse does seem a tinsy bit over crowded, but I love the rest! In fact, if you trimmed of the first verse (not much mind) I'd absolutly love ...

That took so long to read, I can't hink of any other places that needed work just yet, I'll have a look later or tomorrow. Promise! Like it so far ...

Yep, the flow is good. :D The first line ought to be split in two as Firestarter said, as well as those other adustments. But overall, it's really good. Well ...

Tep, Australian spelling too! You'll think twice before you offend our blessed spelling again!!! jk Anyway, I thought this was really, really good. It could work as either a first ...

ohhhh... I like this! I love it how the vampire thinks. It would be a good story to continue! I presume the two people the vampire kills are the children ...

I've read every single book in that seris (except Loamhedge, but my brother owns it, so I'll get round to it sometime...) They're kind of corny... but I like them ...

I really like this! It has a subtle way of suggesting things, like IC said. I like it how it mentions Margaret in the beginning, without telling us she was ...

Yeah, the bit where the 'Suddenly, the air feels better, the water tastes better, and even the cafeteria food is like the food of the gods' that is exactly what ...

I like it. It was interesting, and it deffinatly makes the reader want to know more. I agree with most of Nate's correstions and appraisals, but I would like to ...