Eimear

This reads more like a list of words with the occasional '....' than poetry. The emotion is there, but the structure really lets you down. That and your lack of ...

I think this is fantastic, really, truly great. So you have the music for this? It definitely has rhythm, something which you've been pulling me up on in my lyrics ...

I agree with all of Jasmine's points here. I've seen your work before and although I always like it- you seem to take risks and don't stick to well worn ...

I like to look at this as a good poet's okay poem. You see, there's no denying reading this that you have talent. It's absolutely so driven into you I ...

I agree with Mad I'm afraid about the line breaks. It was far too much scrolling for me as I'm quite an impatient person. But this impatience was borne from ...

This is a bit on the saucy side, yes? XD Anyway- few things, this really seems a bit more like prose than poetry- but maybe that's because you tell a ...

Heya Ringo- man, you seem to churn out these poems like they're going out of fashion :D I love it. So, onto this? Well I really did like it very ...

Indeed, I'll second Mad's cry for punctuation. It's really a necessity in poetry- with out it this unravels as a sigh rather than something that makes my ears perk up ...

Hmmm, good concept and idea. A real dash of spirit for your and our passion here. Nice! Although- it seems more like the beginnings of a piece here. There are ...

A lot of people have already kicked you on what could be developed- e.g. It's a bit like prose, it could be developed structurally, show us more. Instead I'm going ...

Wow, this is definitely very raw indeed. I understand that though because you said yourself that it's a first draft. So my overall impressions are as follows. Firstly this struck ...

Hmm, indeed. I couldn't really get into this. To be honest the not so subtle song references made me first go 'huh?' and then cringe. Try and use your own ...

I do agree with Suzanne completely. The thing is, these lines are really the bare bones of a poem. Now is where the fun part begins. Flesh them out. You ...

I agree with everything that Mad's said. The poem lacks punch. Hmm, let me try and explain. Alfred Lord Tennyson wrote a poem very similar to this except it was ...

I'm I right in thinking that this was borne from an in depth conversation you had? *winks. I agree with all of elephantwalrus' points, this poem is very thought provoking. ...