Ego

Bland. At least, in my opinion. There was a ton of telling, and a decent amount of showing, but the rest of the senses are left in the dust. The ...

Evidence that age is not everything, in the world of writing. Excellent style. Competent, stylish, and simple enough to follow without any trouble. Nothing more can be said, really, without ...

I love the concept. Very interesting. Your execution, however, could be better--the action seems unclear, almost as if looking into muddy water. None of the characters really get an introduction, ...

I think I'll take a different approach than mentioned by the others. Your style here is overly simplified. Now, sometimes this works, like tying up a point made previously. However, ...

As with my critique of part II, I think Vader is slightly out of character. A little too aggressive, too unforgiving. If every time the empire failed in a task, ...

Vader seemed out of character. He doesn't have an ego, so he probably wouldn't say "the greatest lightsabre duelist of all time." Furthermore, while he doesn't have an ego, he ...

Info dump. If it were the beginning of a Star Wars story, I'd have little problem with it. However, it's the prologue of a story. Info dumps are, generally speaking, ...

Not bad! I like the concept (what can I say, I'm a sucker for this kind of stuff), but I think the delivery could us some work. Critics have a ...

When SWAT was set to a task it would be done within the hour. Guaranteed. Two things wrong with this statement; SWAT forces are rarely done within the hour. They ...

I kinda dig this. The phrasing of it all seems really unique, to me. I don't like the capitalisation of every word, it seems to put too much emphasis on ...

He clutched to her head tightly, and brought it to his face. “But one never knows what they’ll find back stage, do they?” This sounds very awkward to me. Instead ...

Let me start with some questions. As I'm reading this, here's what I was thinking: Mage? What mage? they have a mage? why? A tunic and boots, but no pants? ...

Is anyone going to crit my work? I'm not going to continue my book until I get critique so CRIT!!! For future reference--when you order people to critique, they are ...

I kinda like the kid, actually--very stark conrast to nice, quiet, mild mannered kids we normally read about. The writing, however, was a little off. Spelling and grammar both need ...

Two things right off the bat, before I read into it further-- Double space your paragraphs, like I'm doing here, and give this a good read throgh and add in ...