Ego

A metal slug whizzed through the air, burying itself in the concrete. Fire illuminated the scene: gunfire, pounding through the door like it was glass. Matty shot off a clip ...

Right off the bat--double space your paragraphs. I like your dialog. The initial exchange between Tricken and the Clothes-maker is very amusing. It has an almost Greek wit to it. ...

Confirming some stuff in Saint's Crit... Should magnum be capitalised? I dunno if it's a proper noun or not. Or you could just save yourself the trouble and say "pistol." ...

Kylan--actually, the way she has the gun described it is a revolver, and probably a big Smith and Wesson, which usually have a silver finish. In short...if it has a ...

Storm--try to take the ignorant comments in stride. My first impression of your story was decent. It needs work, as all pieces do, but I did enjoy it. You could ...

I like the concept--however, the execution is a little jerky. He wakes up in a bubble o' goo, right? Was he in suspended animation in the stuff, or what? If ...

Interesting. It's pretty vague, though that might be what you were going for. Your opening sentence makes it sound like the middle part of a larger piece. Is it? We ...

I like how you've focused on Kale's dueling, here. You might want to clean it up a little and try to get the wording to match the style (graceful? brutal?). ...

A masked murderer silently broke through a glass window of a Los Angeles mansion. No one heard anything. How? Did he use the duct tape over the window trick? Breaking ...

Too short! Make us care for the character before you kill him off, yes? Give us a description--something other than his age, you know? Nice twist though :) You mention ...

Portable Defib? That would need charging, yes? Also, agreed with Trident about the gun. Lee's men would have checked him thoroughly. He is, after all, the Tong leader. Excellent work, ...

Doesn't work for me. As a big fan of the Halo series, I think it's lacking in terms of technology, Spartan mentality, and Timeline. The writing was decent enough--format it ...

I *really* like your comparisons, and your drawing from mythology to emphasize. However, you don't explain that mythology. Take, for instance, this: Like his namesake, the roc bird, he was ...

Very nice. Great voice in this piece. I think you broke it in a weird spot, because obviously there is more, yes? The opening line is very creative and engaging. ...

'Thanks for reading. I was in a rush to write this today.' even in a hurry you shouldn't be writing such junk, you better try to give some tought to ...