Earthfire713

Hi fizza! I'm Earthfire. I really liked how you described things so well. I have a brother who is autistic, and the way you described things would have made sense ...

It sounds great! It sounded just like one of those teasers that you read on the back of books. You should definitely post it, I'm very interested! PM me when ...

Wow. That was creepy--in a good way :). Hi I'm Earthfire! Mostly what I could find were nitpicks, so I'll just talk about those. Just remember to add commas in ...

This looks like a good story. The only thing I would like to comment on is first: paragraphs. When all of your story is in one big chunk, it makes ...

Hi, I'm Earthfire! I really liked this story, it grabbed my attention and made me want to read more. A few reminders: remember that ever time a new character speaks, ...

Hi Aristotle! Your story sounds interesting. Are you going to go into more detail about the light invading? To me, it sounds like your trying make light bad and dark ...

I like this better than your other Prologue, because it draws you in more. It makes the reader start worrying about the main character and they want to read more ...

Oh, wow, that was creepy and sad at the end. You did a really great job, especially on the first paragraph, which was a great hook. You misspelled a couple ...

Hi! I just read your story. I liked it, the prologue was interesting and I liked the descriptiveness of your first line. There were just a few misspellings: I screamed, ...

Hi Smurf! lumpy_joe is right, you need to expand it into paragraphs every time someone new speaks. “Hello I'm Kamay Kamayakan, and I'm reporting to you from the city of ...

This was a really interesting story. Are you going to write more? You misspelled a word some of which where her grandparents It's were. But through it all, in her ...

Hi showtimecircus! The main things that I found wrong were some grammatical mistakes. Thomas thought to himself how stupid he really was in wanting to go out today and do ...

This story was a little hard to follow, and it didn't really grab my attention at the beginning (I have a very short attention span). Could you put less description ...