ELven-Maiden

The only I have to say is that your character, as far as I know, has all five senses. Use them. You only use sight and hearing, and a litle ...

Aw....I knew Tina died, but I never knew the eyes started to water.... BUt the reason I started to cry was because I've played with Tina, I've had her sleep ...

Hey, Howzit going? Preface: I was a afraid that I would never see my family again. That i was going to die. I hear the zap of the laser tried ...

An alien emerged from the shadows. Eol was a young Sorm, from the planet of the same name. She looked to be around thirty, while Sorms can usually live up ...

I liked it; interesting idea. But, like miyaviloves said, the Chicken Fried Rice it going to come back, or is there some significance to that, or what? Really, I can ...

I like how it's coming, but is it possible to perhaps put some more pride in the way Lira talks about the speeder? Like, having her swagger up the ramp ...

I liked it, But there really wasn't much scenery to it. Was it at the school or the mall or the subway station or what? All I saw was the ...

One thing, too many commas. quote: kept all of my aggression, and feelings inside Quote: hanging out with my friends, and even gymnastics. These two commas aren't needed. quote: After ...

I like it! however, the "it's time for dinner" kinda broke the feeling. BUt other than that, I really liked it! I don't understand why people didn't get it; i ...

I like it very much, You have a great story coming here. however, there is one thing i should say: quote: His reflection was what he looked at. Long silver ...

Hey, this is coming out to be a really cool story! 9no pun intended) The only thing I would change is the way Alyssa says indifferently, "It's better if you ...

Wow. This is really cool. I like the characters here; especially in the prolougue, when Kay's an innocent little boy, and in the next chapter he's a hardened man. They ...

I get a basic idea of a setting. But I think you rush the descriptions too much. Do you think you could slow it own a bit? In fact, the ...

Wow. That really sucks for poor Iro. I really liked this! you have a great story going on here, and you've instantly caught me, the reader, in a trap I ...

Wow, that was really cool how you described everything! However, there were a few parts that sort of stopped the flow a little. I suggest you should shange things like ...