Dreamworx95

First of all, you seriously need to correct your grammatical errors. It looks like bradsk88 pointed out all your mistakes for you. If you don't edit before you submit your ...

I really liked the second one. I could really feel her pain from the way you wrote it. It's mysterious and leaves the reader wondering. When read that it was ...

Oh this is wonderful! If I was a teacher and this was an essay, I'd give you an A+ (despite all the spelling errors)! I saw the whole thing happening ...

Wow, that was really graphic. One thing is for sure: you have my attention. This is a really gripping way to start a story. There are a lot of things ...

Wow, I really, really liked the first part of this chapter. You really made it clear how heavy the downpour was. But I have to say I'm a little disappointed ...

Hmmm....I have to agree with Xena. This chapter isn't as interesting as the first. So it started to rain, big deal? It doesn't seem like this chapter will really tie ...

Very, very nice. Very descriptive and professional. I like the way you write. The main character sounds very real, unlike some other stories I read. I think it's really important ...

A very gripping introduction, though a little short, but I can really visualize what's happening. It sounds very interesting. From what you wrote, Jake strikes me as a young, carefree ...