Dreamworx95

Holly, shut up….I can’t breathe!” You forgot the quotation marks in the beginning here. with the biggest feet I’ve ever seen. Lol. I'm sorry but I couldn't help but think ...

Once you fix all your spelling mistakes, PM me. Sorry, but it's too confusing to review, and I don't feel like deciphering anything right now. Also, don't write in all ...

the rain licked my midnight black cloak, while the wind whirled through my bare rib cage. Take out the comma after black cloak. I believe I was going through more ...

I didn't think it was boring. I like the connection betweed Napodi and Will. And it was sad how their mother died. Like the majority of your chapters, I liked ...

Compared to the bustle ear-lier, Earlier shouldn't be hyphenated. You held your promise true to form. This chapter was very exciting. I enjoyed it very much. You're also improving a ...

Will glanced at Napodi, question in his eyes. Will glanced at Napodi with questions in his eyes. caught the light of mil-lions Millions shouldn't be hyphenated. If you're trying to ...

the floor was simply flat dirt covered with a giant woven rug, Put an and after dirt. Napodi and Will glanced at each other then looked away. An and after ...

Back again! Sorry I took so long. When Will came to, he groaned. It felt as if his head had just split open. After tenderly reaching a hand up to ...

Standing before him was his old nemesis Logan Gilmore, and his idiot pals Jeff Garey and Ryan Jenkins. I'm not sure, but I think there's supposed to be a comma ...

ominous gothic castles were someone Where not were. They sat around all day moaning they had nothing to do Moaning that they had nothing to do. She was much more ...

I’ve seen think that you couldn’t even imagine, Things not think. I can never go back, to my paralleled universe. No need for a comma here. Also, instead of paralleled, ...

Well, I have to say that this was very well written. I could hardly find any mistakes. The characters also feel very realistic, not like you forced them to do ...

She made her goodbyes to the women she had grown very close to over the years, before leaving the room. You don't need a comma here. She had hoped that ...

A pretty good introduction. But it seems more like an excerpt from within the story rather than an introduction. I think the word you're looking for is preface. Brilliant word ...

I really like the Phsycologist. This was my favorite part: ASHLEIGH: Well maybe it was to cover the fact that I’m a wolf hunter and I spend my time murdering ...