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Young Writers Society



The Comming of Vatalinos (part 3)

by Amora


Just to refresh your memory, Mya has convinced Laynah to talk with her cousin Seigor about traveling to Nidowabliss together. However their first meeting went array and feeling were hurt and animosity was breed. Laynah, angry with Seigor, stalks back to town only to encounter the cunning Duleve of Felicrith. His words full of bile drive her to seek solitude in the hills. This section continues from there looking through the eye's of Mya.

It was not long after Laynah had reached the hills that Mya finished folding up the last few bolts of the fabric that would one day become Lorcont’s breaches. She made her goodbyes to the women she had grown very close to over the years, before leaving the room. With her bundle of fabric tucked securely in her arms she headed down the street to find her cousin. She had hoped that everything had gone smoothly talking with Laynah but knowing her, she had probably gone and creates some sort of mess. Mya wished she was wrong but the only way to find out was to ask Seigor.

Just before Mya rounded the corner of the last building before the field where the half dozen wagons were, her Uncle Torac’s voice boomed out in what sounded like a curse. Mya moved closer to the building so that only her head rounded the corner. She saw the wagons scattered through the space. It was a tight fit with only small openings for the people to build their fires and set out their food to be cooked. Her Uncle and his wagon was closest to Mya and the building. Their fire crackled beneath the pot of stew Aunt Brenok stirred. With ladle in hand she poured some of the stew into the bowl that rested in Torac’s hands. His voice shook the air once again as he insulted his wife’s cooking. But within a few slurps the stew was gone and Torac went on to insult everything and anything else that was available. Tiered of his ranting and raving, Brenok chilled him in her sharp voice until he lumbered into his wagon.

Mya had remained unnoticed until Seigor looked up from his own boll. He had been leaning up against one of the other wagons eating his stew quietly. When he saw her his faced changed from a look of frustration and shame to one solely of shame. He quickly moved to his mother and handed her his bowl with a small smile before weaving his way back through the rest of the wagons and out of sight.

Leaving the safety of the wall, Mya tried her best to follow Siegor’s path. Giving smiles with polite hellos’ she moved through the maze of brightly colored wagons and their owners. Every now and again she was rewarded with a gimps of the many wonders that dangled in the loose light that filtered its way through the curtain covered selling windows. One particular fan caught her eye. Its thin silk was stretched delicately across the light wood that created the artistic frame. The swirls of brightly colored flowers danced across the pink sheen. With only a small trick of the light the flowers danced away from the silk to twirl around her. Sadly the moment came to an end with the blink of an eye. She stretched out a hand to gingerly touch the impeccable fan but her hand stopped short as she noticed the large number beneath it that indicated the price. She was all too aware of the bulge of her eyes and the tremble in her hand. Even with all her husband’s great fortune it would take months to muster enough money to pay for a fraction of the fan. Not wanting to be seen gawking she quickly moved on past the imperial fan.

At last a red and brown wagon came into view and with it the outer edge of the makeshift camp. Squinting, Mya could just make out the dusty umber color of Seigor’s shirt. As she got closer she could see that he had found a seat on a large gray stone. Carefully picking her way through the foliage she found a seat next to him on the monotonous stone. The cold uneven surface soon became too uncomfortable to stay seated. Unable to find any better place she moved to stand directly in front of him. Seigor made no move to start up a conversation and Mya jumped at the opportunity to ask about the fan.

“As I was coming to find you I saw this amazing silk fan in the dark blue wagon” she paused hoping for some sort of conformation. When there was none she moved on. “Well it is truly an amazing fan but for the price they are asking I want to know of its originality and perhaps its background, at lest where it came from.” Seigor only gave a small shake of his head.

Unsatisfied with his unwillingness to help her, Mya opened her mouth to speak again but Seigor interrupted looking and sounding quite ashamed. “ I am very sorry that you saw my Father the way you did, in his traders act and all. He is not like that, used to not be like that. When he is working on the caravan as a trader he tries to appear very . . . unrelenting so that people are more compelled to accept the prices he insists upon. But that was only for the public eye, he would come back to our wagon stressed and a little gruff as his personality was but no more than that. As time went on I guess that the act became less of an act and more of a way of life. It gets worse by the month, I suppose that is what happens when thieves and cheats begin to overpopulate the world you live in.” His voice stopped but his harsh breathing continued. Mya stood silently not understanding why sudden outburst of information.

“It is still not an excuse. There is no excuse for treating Mother that way, his wife!” She could almost hear him hissing the last few words. “Which makes how I treated Laynah all the worse. I don’t know her and I snapped as soon as I was embarrassed. It’s not likely she will forgive me now.” he said with a slight laugh that only comes when one is trying very hard not to be angry. “It is not likely either of us will reach Nidowabliss at this pace.” with a sigh he dropped his head into a palm, trying very hard not to yell at someone.

“Well, I wouldn’t be too sure about Laynah. She will of course be enraged and her furry is not something you tamper with and come out unscathed. But her tenacity is not something to be underestimated. She has always had the un-relinquished yearning in her bosom - as I am sure she would put it - to reach her endearing Nidowabliss Leisaltec. So I anticipate that if you appeal to that yearning of her’s there is a chance, however slight, that she will find a way to deal with you, and by deal I mean to ignore you thoroughly. Don’t keep your hopes up exceptionally high but there is always a chance if you play it just right. Oh and remember she won’t consent without an apology, that is unless there is no other option but she hasn’t reached that degree of desperation yet.” With that final warning Mya turned on her heals to once again admire the exquisite fan.


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User avatar
198 Reviews


Points: 3
Reviews: 198

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Sun Nov 16, 2008 6:08 pm
Dreamworx95 wrote a review...



She made her goodbyes to the women she had grown very close to over the years, before leaving the room.


You don't need a comma here.

She had hoped that everything had gone smoothly talking with Laynah but knowing her,


There should be a comma after Laynah.

Tiered of his ranting


Tired is spelled wrong.

Seigor looked up from his own boll.


Should be bowl.

his faced changed


His face changed.

she was rewarded with a gimps


Needs an e at the end.

dusty umber


Dusty amber.

she paused hoping


Comma after paused.

at lest where it came from


At least.

Seigor interrupted looking and sounding


Comma after interrupted.

Mya stood silently not understanding why sudden outburst of information.


Try this: Mya stood silently, not understanding the sudden outburst of information.

“Well, I wouldn’t be too sure about Laynah.
She will of course be enraged and her furry


Lol. Fury not furry.

Sorry this was so late. Been busy with school and all, plus I got sick.

Great chapter. Gives you some perspective on Seigor and Laynah. Also, it was very good description. Keep up the good work. I'd be happy to review the next chapter.

Ciao baby,

Dreamworx95,

XOXO




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34 Reviews


Points: 1412
Reviews: 34

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Tue Nov 11, 2008 10:14 pm
Icefire63111 wrote a review...



the only problem i could find was in me, not in you

and that problem is:

I CANT FIGURE OUT HOW TO SAY THIER NAMES!!!!!!

other than that, it was very tight; no loose strings for me to yell about.

their was lots of detail (to me)

the characters and problem seem very realistic.





A snowball in the face is surely the perfect beginning to a lasting friendship.
— Markus Zusak, The Book Thief