DevanEWilliams

Hello! Let me just say that my first impression of this was "Oh my...ginormous paragraph." You definitely need to divide this up some to make it easier on the readers. ...

This poem is incredibly honest and emotional. A little depressing at first, but a solid ending and a very truthful story. A few teeny little things. Mom stands by, impassive, ...

This is a great poem with a wonderful story. The opening really draws the reader in. Love your descriptions. Let me just point out a few things that would make ...

This is such a beautiful piece. Seriously, it's amazing. It's wonderful how well the words flow as you read, and your imagery is fantastic. I hate to be too terribly ...

This is a wonderful poem with a very simple idea that is told in a beautiful way. Really awesome job. However, there are a few places that I felt myself ...

Hello and welcome to YWS! I'll get right to it, I suppose. :) This being a short piece, every word has to count and drive the story forward. There is ...

A sort of sad story. This was very well written. I like how you switched points of view to see both sides of what was going on. A couple small ...

Hey! This is really great. Very good imagery, and for the most part your line breaks are perfect. However, one that I found a little weird was this one: I ...

This is a lovely story. You did a great job in creating the little brother's character. However, I think that the main character's personality could have been developed just a ...

This is really awesome Hayden! I really like your writing style. Your imagery is really good--I could totally see what was happening as I was reading it. There were a ...