DarkerSarah

Yes, Bret Easton Ellis. I think that book is one in a series, but I haven't gotten around to reading it yet.

Yes, I've written more, but I'm not really impressed with the way it's going, so I've stopped for the time being. I agree with you 100% that this needs more ...

Griffin: You made lots of sense, but I'm not exactly sure what your saying about my prologue. I never imagined their being a specific formula for a prologue, and so ...

I guess I didn't do too good a job with it if you think that my "good guys" are evil. They're not. They're good. But there is not Absolute Good, ...

Oh and new theories say that Jesus wasn't from the House of David, coz Maria was a virgin and she wasn't from the house of David and everything. Mary was ...

Thanks for the critique. I was afraid I wasn't going to get one! :shock:

Thanks! I wish more people would critique it, too!

Is it a fiction based on fact, or nonfiction? I love history, so either way, it sounds interesting. Unless it's not very well written, like the Da Vinci Code.

Your rewrite looks better. Best of luck to you. -Sarah

I suppose I must explain that this is a 19 year old telling her story. She is not twelve at the time she is telling it. That explains the introspectiveness ...

Yea, I know it's confusing, and I apologize. Hopefully, I'll be able to successfully unfold the story.

Here's the third part. Please don't be confused as it skips into the future several years. Enjoy! And They Dance There were no streetlights. Well, if there were, they were ...

Hehe...your position as "tough critic" is applicable. I actually liked yours better, but you're right, it did imply differently than I meant it to. And it sounded more like you ...

Yes, your version sounds better, but I rather like the awkwardness of the original version. It's kind of sporadic because that's the emotion I'm trying to get out of the ...

Aaaah! You need to post more...are you working on it? Because if not, YOU SHOULD BE! No pressure. Haha...no, seriously, take your time, and I appreciate your nice review of ...