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Re: Heartbeat Academy: Grandma
Hello! DarkWarrior here. The overall grammar and spellings is very good. The way you interact with the readers is also good, but I would recommend that you work towards polishing ...
Sep 25, 2015 -
Re: The Sixth
Hello! DarkWarrior here. First of all: Ay Caramba! Can these people cuss or what? No seriously, maybe its just the way you want your characters to appear to people (which ...
May 19, 2015 -
Re: Prologue
Hello, DarkWarrior here. Well, for starters, its what everyone looks for in a prologue. Left off on an ambiguous note, not stating the true story behind the characters, making the ...
May 19, 2015 -
Re: Avery Trent - Chapter 3 (Less-Goods on Terra)
Hey! DarkWarrior again. So, now I can see a lot more plot development, which is good. I see that you have taken the characters to Terra, the parallel Earth, in ...
May 19, 2015 -
Re: Avery Trent - Chapter 2 (Jason Volks)
Hey there! DarkWarrior again. So I see that you wrote another encounter with Jason Volks. Its thoroughly amusing, now that I've grasped the situation and accepted it. A few places ...
May 18, 2015 -
Re: Avery Trent - Chapter 1 (Renegade Sneeze)
Hello! DarkWarrior here! At first, I was not able to make sense of what was going on. However, the end of the story seemed to clarify the whole thing. The ...
May 18, 2015 -
Re: Basecode: Chapter One
Hello! DarkWarrior here. Let me begin by saying that your vocabulary and grammar is great. The idea behind the story: Amazing. However, there are a few qualms. First of all, ...
May 18, 2015 -
Re: Chapter 1- Knocks on a Door
Hello! DarkWarrior here. The story seems to be quite interesting. There are a few places that could use a bit more refining. Your vocabulary is nice, and so are your ...
May 18, 2015