DanielRichard

I agree with much of what Tenyo said, but I'll add a few things. First, go through and do some basic editing. Change "the waist of Tim" to Tim's waist ...

I like this a lot. The texture of it reminds me of the movie Children of Men, if you've ever seen it. Very bleak and desperate, but it shows how ...

Here would be my idea for a plot: A main character who is young, maybe a student, and he loves reading, and is an aspiring writer too. He has a ...

The beginning sounds a bit conceited. People don't usually call themselves an "it couple," and she says they "already do everything perfect." These things would be logical for someone ELSE ...

Hello there. I really liked this. It's simple but elegant. A few errors to correct: It should be beauty not beautifulness; the end should say "this is what Heaven is ...

Interesting little story. There is no conflict, just an easy read, which matches the easy-going style of your words. I get the impression this might have started as a poem? ...

Hey there. Interesting idea for a piece. It's very short and VERY tragic. I like how you started the story, immediately showing the love between the two characters, but other ...

Great story! I felt the creepy texture throughout the whole piece, and that's always fun. I know it's a simple story, but you could make it even longer by giving ...

I realize this was for a competition which will always affect the way you write, but that being said, I'll give my observations on this piece and if you have ...

The intro was good, but once the story gets going it feels rushed. There are so many characters that we meet very quickly, and much of what is going on ...

So far, I'm intrigued. I like how you begin with an intimidating character, and soon you turn her into someone more relatable and humorous. It was a nice shift, but ...

Certainly humorous, and over-the-top. I could see that you were exaggerating, but also caught that there was frustration in your writing, too. It got a bit subjective when little words ...

Clearly meant as humor, albeit humor that rocks the boat a bit. It successfully made me laugh and the fact that people are commenting so heavily on it, I'd say ...

I completely agree with Kyllorac. Kudos to a well-spoken and honest review. I think the reason why many people on this site found this amusing is because there are quite ...

Great job. It was a complete story but it was interesting enough that I'm sure you could add to it if you wanted. For this site it's good to keep ...