DSF6647

You have an exciting and great story here! Now time for the nitpicks! :D A scream of fear; the fear of the death. This is a fragment and not a ...

Okay so just some simple things before I start. When you change ideas you should start a new paragraph, and that goes for when a new person starts talking. “Hi,” ...

She looks just like him, I think as they take her I would italicize her thoughts, just to help us readers differentiate between narration and what is being thought. , ...

Hello! So I am here to nitpick and look over everything! Don’t take anything I say harshly, I just want to help and if you have any questions feel free ...

It was cold and my hands were frozen, with his blood in it. His blood in what? A vial container? Otherwise you were probably trying to say, “with his blood ...

Okay first off I have never seen the movie. So if you forgive me that, I would love to give you a review… It was a quiet day within the ...

He woke up in the middle of the cold night in on March, 9 as if someone had just screamed in his ear. I would change up the ending of ...

Don't worry about my feelings, rip this thing to shreds Let me know if you want the rest. Hahaha, half the reason I am reviewing this is because of the ...

Not really sure what this all is and what sort of a review your looking for, but I am still going to post one. there is a place where voices ...

At the thought of you, my heart starts to ache; a familiar one since you left. This sentence was confusing. What was familiar? Was it the ache or something else? ...

I looked outside the window, the Sun was playing with sky, sometimes showing up, and sometimes not, or it was scared as it was thundering outside, maybe the poor baby ...

What was the point, it wasn’t like she was there. I almost feel like you should make his into two sentences. Just my opinion, but I think it would flow ...

The tea swished and curled rapidly as she set it gently on the mahogany table. I like this description a lot, but using the word “curled” sounds a bit awkward ...

But, that afternoon had brought with it a strange breeze, gentle, but most powerful l in its reaching distance, far more than I could imagine. So this sentence sounded a ...

Okay so I only did the first part of your story. It all still needs quiet a bit of work, but you are doing good so keep at it :) ...