Coaleman

This is a fantastic prologue! It creates a sense of urgency, but I think the attempt to pull the reader's heartstrings may be a bit lacking. The sense of urgency ...

I can't exactly say I didn't write something like this to my old Linux, or my Acer, but I found someone better, and I'm sure Sheldon will too. ANYWAY, in ...

This sounds like a fantastic story! I can't see too many flaws, but I have found a few, in a search to be helpful. On the sixth to last line, ...