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Hey Churlish! to a city with such a insane ruler Since "insane" starts with a vowel, "a" should be "an". The first paragraph is written very well and draws me ...

It rang again, longer this time, someone was impatient That last bit is sort of just hanging there. I think a dash would suit this nicely. "...this time - someone ...

to join in the sillyness Silliness. on their chest, were ready to take my Angel. No comma there. 0.2 Love at First Hell I don't really like/get this title. "Hell ...

*swoons* :shock: First of all, love the John Lennon quote at the beginning. It makes all that much sweeter because of the whole known controversy of John saying that the ...

Hello andimlovegalore! yay, more writing from you, I love it. What an intense beginning! I adore what you've got here. Perhaps split it up into smaller paragraphs maybe, the first ...

Eek, I'm sorry this went unnoticed. You don't deserve that, we'll fix that right up. Not much could be seen through the thick fog as the street lights were dull ...

and didn't need to worry much of anything I think you mean to have "about" after worry. who came to the baby and marked on her wrist as his daughter. ...

I really like the introduction. The opening sentence really snags the attention. of colleting bubbles on our tongue Just a small spelling typo up there. *points* Something so spectacular, I ...

Welcometo YWS! *hugs and cookies* Sam makes good points about two reviews and plot, so I'll be the grammar-and-style queen. Ted Weller, he's not the 'star of the football team', ...

The lightning lit the sky with a deafening crack in perfect unison with the [s]booming[/s] thunder and the constant downpour. First, people always make thunder boom. Try to think of ...

Sam. o_o This. is . BEAUTIFUL. Grammar, grammar, grammar... I can't even dare nitpick at your work... the only thing I found: except for when fevers wrack their bodies and ...

This is written well, grammar and stylistically. The problem I see, and the person above me saw, is in characterization. Immediately in the beginning dialogue you throw a lot of ...

In his mind, he called her Esmeralda, the Gypsy queen. Each time he saw her, in the window across the way, he felt a fresh stir of passion, a resurgence ...

Wow! This is long. But Im gonna tackle this the best I can! *rolls up sleeves* A long time ago on a small isolated bay in the heart of a ...

The little boy was wearing a white sleepsuit and a pair of mittens, so he didn't scratch himself Babies scratch themselves?! He could just be wearing mittens for the cold. ...