Cirute

If I was you, I'd separate this into individual chapters. I have yet to read the entire thing (It's Thanksgiving at my place, so I have little time for reading!), ...

Here's my review. Good wording and descriptions. I really like the tone of your writing, very dark! For some reason the format of paragraphs is all messed up, but that ...

I'm not exactly following this. It seems to be almost too strait forward and fast moving. You could go into a little deeper detail about the setting of the story, ...

I concur with Questio, your wording is somewhat rough. I would like to see more of this though, for it seems quite interesting. With better wording and flow, this has ...

Overall, it has potential, but I did find several problems. First off, there is a lot of scum in the world, but there is also a lot of good people. ...

This is very nice. I'm not a poet, so I not quite cut out to review something like this, but I'll give it a shot. It's very abstract, but still ...