ChimeraMania

For many months relations between Eldan and our kingdom have been strained. Since you questions 'our kingdom' in the first chapter, I feel as though you should here. For many ...

We don't discuss those personal questions, and death. Hmm....I get this feeling like this should be 'or death.' Wow, this was perfect. I loved it and it make me want ...

In the fifth paragraph first line. You have him departed from 'the' bar not 'a' bar. NOOO, why'd you top there. I wanted to know what happened when he breathed ...

The three women on the first floor where to engaged in a conversation to notice her. "..the first floor where too engaged in a..." The boards at the top were ...

A figure cloaked in black velvet approached his throne. If it's his throne, then I feel you should start this sentence off with "The figure." Okay, try not to use ...

That's like putting on blackface and talking about rights. I know what you mean here. Although you need 'a' and maybe space that instead of putting it together? If it's ...

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, Never have I ever read a story that started of with this. Olden Classic, whatever he's reading must be good ...

Considering I haven't read the others, I will try my best to understand. Here. Relief seeped in to my muscles and even though my body was still pretty tense, relieve ...

You could call it, Finding Father. (Came up with that just by reading the description.) So Sharrae here for a review. ONWARD TO READING. The day was cold and cloudy, ...

Sharrae here for a review. Hope I help. The once grand room was ruins now. The fireplace held long dead ashes. *is ruins* or *ruined* Either one would be better ...

WOW....I think I'm reviewing this for the first time. My mind halts as the thought passes my mind. You don't really need 'my mind,' in this twice. Nice plan by ...

In the sixth paragraph, you had the beginning or quotation marks, make sure to end with it as well once the character is finished. "It is blue because we live.....the ...

I agree with the other two. This is one piece of work that will turn readers away. @SAmber you commented as well, and while it seems you were thinking of ...

SO (clearly) I haven't read the first one yet, but meh I rather jump in and see what's going on and then go back to that. Even if this is ...

He prayed that one day she'd speak to him again and he too didn’t feel happy. For some reason, to me, the end of this doesn't match the beginning. He's ...