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Re: Running from Sacrifice
I ran through the trees, not knowing I could run so fast. Thoughts raced through my head. I think they were my thoughts even though I didn't know what they ...
Jul 9, 2011 -
Re: Perfection
This was short, but sweet. I thought the train of thought was spot-on, very realistic. It really get across the tone I think you're trying to accomplish. When some people ...
Jul 8, 2011 -
Re: Parallel chapter 4
The idea behind your story interested me from the beginning. The concept of different universes is hard to wrap your mind around; it really makes you think. Here are my ...
Jul 8, 2011 -
Re: Thirty Three Days Chapter 2
The second thing I noticed about this piece is how realistic it sounds. From the little notes in the beginning to the dialogue with the barber, the flow of conversation ...
Jul 8, 2011 -
Re: Dear God
I enjoyed this. I think the idea has a lot of potential, and you did a good job of helping it reach that potential. I think that you could possibly ...
Feb 8, 2011 -
Re: The Wrong Eyes
Hi there! This wasn't what I was expecting. As I was reading, I was thinking about complaining about Tommy being a little too Steven Urkel-esque. I thought I knew what ...
May 23, 2010 -
Re: The Silence *Rated 12 for violence*
Review in red. [quote]We approached the stairs. On the grey walls words were written, cuss words, names, warnings. On the mainland, no one spoke of the island louder than a ...
May 10, 2010 -
Re: Please review, it's an excerpt from my story
Oooooooh, tension! I think its great. The raw emotion is unsettling and exciting. I want to know more about this story and what's going on in this dude's life. But ...
Mar 20, 2010 -
Re: Chapter 1 of; Forever ends tonight.
I like it. Your dialoge is really realistic. You really capture what it feels like to leave home for the first time. Just a few minor mistakes like "sentametal" is ...
Jan 18, 2009 -
Re: Run! Ch 1, Pt 1
It's cute. I like your style but it can get tiresome. I don't think you should use that style through out the whole story. Maybe you could just use it ...
Jan 18, 2009 -
Re: -----
I like it, its cute. Your writing is very detailed-maybe a little too detailed. It can get teadious to read when you put all those lond descriptions in. Try shortening ...
Jan 11, 2009 -
Re: Stop and Smell the Roses (New Version!)
That was really great, I loved it. A few things kind of sound un-realistic though. I don't understand why his parents were hesitant to let he go to the park ...
Jan 10, 2009 -
Re: Caught (2)
I loved it. Your characters are very strong. I would recomend to cut a little of the joikng around between the two, it does little to advance the plot line. ...
Dec 29, 2008 -
Re: The Afterlife Phenomenon (Preview)
I liked it, but I think that the mother is a bit extreme. Let her show her hatred in more discreet ways, like I don't know, selling her belongings on ...
Dec 29, 2008 -
Re: The Actor Behind The Curtain
I really liked it. I would like to know more about the man who is chasing her and why this is going on. Is this happening because she is exceptionaly ...
Dec 29, 2008
