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by ThienThienThien
  • January 10, 2009
  • Short Story
  • Action / Adventure
Comments & reviews · 4
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100xstupid
Review
100xstupid wrote a review · Sun Jan 18, 2009 10:38 pm

My only real pointer is that from the detailed description I assumed that people were being hit my lightening and killed, and having their skull smashed in by the rain. No jokes from me, I'm poker face. I agree with CaseySaz, it gets a little lost in the description.

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CaseySaz
Review
CaseySaz wrote a review · Sun Jan 11, 2009 3:50 am

I like it, its cute. Your writing is very detailed-maybe a little too detailed. It can get teadious to read when you put all those lond descriptions in. Try shortening it up a bit. Otherwise, its very good. I don't really like the ending though, its not really a proper ending to a chapter. Analyze a bit more. Good work.

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ThienThienThien
Comment
ThienThienThien commented · Sat Jan 10, 2009 9:36 pm

Anyone there? Can someone comment, please?



If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
— Mark Twain