CarolineHart

So, before I review this, I'll admit that I did not read the previous chapters. That being said, I think I got a very clear picture of the characters right ...

Few small grammar things... /I don’t care how bad I hurt him./ 'Badly' would fit better here. /“Welcome back, Ms. Patterson.” A familiar voice tells me./ Here, because the part ...

Your grammar and spelling are clean. The only error I found was in the very first sentence. A period, not a comma, should complete that sentence. But i had to ...

Few grammar comments. "Most unluckiest" should be changed to "most unlucky." The rest of that sentence could (and should) be broken into separate sentences. It felt like it ran on, ...

For a sixth grader, this is actually pretty good. It's pretty long for that age, too. Your dedication to writing shows! So, I think that if you wanted to go ...

I don't think this lacks literary quality at all! All it's lacking is a title. I think the structure was very nice. I like how you left out punctuation, it ...