Cade

I know what a pantoum is, and I recognize this as one. But using a particular repetitive format such as a pantoum or a vilanelle doesn't justify a lack of ...

I agree with Liz in that it's too preachy for its own good. This isn't so much a poem as a rant with line breaks. Subtlety is a very good ...

I wholeheartedly agree with Snoink. I have read Ishmael, and I enjoyed it. But what makes Ishmael good? What you've done here is just list your complaints with the world, ...

I'm glad that you addressed this subject from one person's point of view...too often poets are tempted to write about broad subjects, i.e. war and love, in abstract terms rather ...

Wow...did you realize when you were writing this that each line is its very own cliche? Honestly, this is not the way to construct a poem. Not only does it ...

You definitely have a talent for using images and sounds to create a strong mood for the piece, and I really like that. But be careful of doing too much. ...

Please leave a comment! Thanks! We're all here to do just that, so there's no need to beg for critiques. The poem feels like the same-old, same-old. It's the cliche ...

For all our sakes, institute some paragraph breaks! (Hey, I rhyme!) Diction. Watch out for redundancy or unnecessary words. The sun was silently rising Does the sun ever rise noisily? ...

You lost me after the first line. It's an interesting first line, but what follows doesn't live up to the intrigue of the beginning. This poem suffers from being overly ...

I love it! Simple, elegant, packs a lot of meaning into the short space. It does remind me of Emily Dickinson. Small suggestion - change "the fleas" to "its fleas" ...

First, take the smileys out. They don't belong there. Second, huh? That's quite honestly the reaction I get from this poem. It's not just the lack of line breaks and ...

"dealed with"? We are not five, m'dear. I agree with Brad...I find nothing new or appealing about this poem. Matt had a good point about the letter format, which might've ...

Hey Eimear! Ditto what Via said about the Rules, and welcome to YWS! Rhyme and Rhythm. I think this poem is held back because it's so juvenile...the rhyme scheme and ...

Hmm...the tone of this piece definitely appeals to me. In many places it has a rhythm to it, and that's something you want in your poetry. It should feel natural ...

The poem doesn't say much to be. Not...anything, really. Know why? It's a cliche. It's "that same old story" told in "those same old words." It reads like a chain ...