Butterfly18

Hello, I'm writing a somewhat similar story in the way that it's sci-fi and I have what you might call, super soldiers. I noticed this, Today’s mission is a simple ...

Hello, Bronk. I'd first like to say, very interesting concept. Now to the writing itself. I feel like your prologue was a bit rushed and an info-dump. You should take ...

Hi, guineapiggirl. First of all, I liked this piece though a few things were a bit, left out, which I think gave this a hollow kind of feeling. We don't ...

This is a very interesting story. The writing wasn't that bad either, just some of your sentences have few too many clauses. I like the names, Hope and Faith. Sounds ...

Well first of all, DragonScourge, I think you're trying to impress us by showing off your smart talk. Haha. I ain't smart nor do I pretend to be, but surprisingly ...

Well I liked this. Like the previous poster said, the dashes were a bit over used.4 I feel like I can relate to the character for some reason even though ...

Funny stuff. If you didn't intend it to be funny, then sorry, but yeah. Numerous things made me laugh. She was going to tell the intruder to go fuck himself. ...

Wow, I really liked this piece although it made me sad. I think you did a good job with this. Just a few minor things though: I’ve always a ‘the ...

This sounds like a good concept to roll with. I admire you for doing so. A little nitpick about your opening. I moaned groggily as my peaceful slumber was yet ...

From this small snippet, although i feel a sense of whats yet to come, I don't feel like its enough to comment on. Seems its so short, I don't think ...

Love the opening sentences. :) Grabbed me instantly. I like the characters voice. The one thing that bugged me though, there wasn't any dialogue. I can only read walls of ...

Hello, DragonGirl. I liked the idea behind this piece. I think though, the opening was a bit of an unnecessary build up. You could lessen it so much and it'd ...

Hello, Island6. First of all, For the past two weeks, Evelyn Rose had been having terrifying nightmares. Every morning before the sun rose into the sky, she would wake up ...

I liked this very much, Leahweird. But, The whole first chunk of this piece is exposition and telling. You don't show enough of the actions. You just tell us about ...

Sparksflying, I hoped by now I'd be able to see something that would show me, this is futuristic, this is science fiction. Sci-Fi obviously doesn't need to be set in ...