"Not now, I have to drive you home," Ember told Sarah. They'd just gotten home from Sarah's graduation party, she'd gone through second grade twice leaving her as a super senior. Summer had just kicked off and they were out celebrating. They'd been best friends since they were born, though it's kind of hard not to be when you're a twin. Ember refused the drink, knowing that it was illegal to drink under the age of 21. "C'mon, one drink, it's just rum and coke," Sarah was good at coaxing people and even though she knew she shouldn't, Ember took the drink and finished it off. "Now let's go Sarah, that's your 23rd drink and I've had one, please let me take you home," Ember smiled at her sister when she finally agreed. "Thank you," Sarah said as they turned onto the highway. "Anytime," Ember never let her sister go drink without having her there. "No really, thank you," she repeated. "Like I sa.." Ember's sentence was cut off by Sarah's scream as the truck in front of them swerved. She saw the vehicle in front of them a little too late. They were airborne for what seemed like a minute before the car crashed into the ground. Ember's world went silent.
Please, take this apart and tell me what you think and if I should put up the first chapter.
Thank you,
WriteWriter
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139,529 Literary Works • 672,599 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm..okay, the premise here seems like a really powerful one, certainly a very appropriate one for a prologue and one that can really get the attention of a reader and make you want to find out more about what ends up happening to them later. Your ending especially manages to really close things off with a lot of questions left very much unanswered.
There are a few issues with how you're brought this premise across here. I can see you are attempting to show how close the sisters are here from the interactions above, but I honestly besides the detail about the drinking which does help show how this accident ends up occuring, the others are really not important to this prologue here and it kind of weighs it down with some unncessary detail.
Then the accident itself comes on quite suddenly, which is actually good, but I think it could be put in its own separate paragraph to give a bit more of a punch rather than having this entire thing be just the one paragraph here, it just seems like that would be an improvement here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I love your style! I feel like this character has already ripped open my soul, taken my heart, and has sewn me back up. I mostly agree with Butterfly 18 on how this could be the opening to chapter one. The only thing that I would say other than that is that you could have this as the intro, then have it as part of the beginning of Chapter 1, but elaborate more in the Chapter. It will give readers the desire for more, and it will help readers understand the story better. Keep writing!
From this small snippet, although i feel a sense of whats yet to come, I don't feel like its enough to comment on.
Seems its so short, I don't think it'd hurt if this was the opening to chapter one.
Unless of course chapter one is a different characters point of view or it goes from first person to third person. But this would be great as the opening to chapter one, however chapter one opens. Post chapter one, and I'll comment more on that one. This here isn't enough for me to make judgement.
Great start though, gripping.
Love it. It's a very, very short prologue, but it in only a few lines it gives you a nice feel to the novel and what it's about, all the while drawing you in and revealing very little. It's great. I didn't spot any grammar/spelling errors except for:
No was. Either, 'I pleaded guilty' or 'I was found guilty'. You cannot be pleaded guilty.
I hope you post chapter one because I'd love to read it.
Wow. That really drew me in and didn't let me go. I think I might just cry if you don't put chapter one up. I really like how you do this Prologue as a present day setting, then how you say:
That really let me know that your going to tell me what's happened, rather than just continuing from this point.
PLEASE POST CHAPTER ONE WRITEWRITER!
Deathcurrent