Blackrose

Wow, for only the first part of a chapter and the intro this is very good. You definatly hook the reader and that's what's important in a first chapter. But, ...

Heya! This is definatly a different kind of fantasy! I love it though. Ofcourse there are some little nitpicks that I must coment on. So... She sighed and sat on ...

Heya, This is a really great idea, but like Kiwi said before me it isn't much of a prologue. It would be good if you did the prologue about the ...

Heya Storm, This was a brilliant piece. You describe beautifully, better then anything I've read so far on YWS. You have talent. But, like borntobe said, you have room to ...

I have to say that it's kind of creepy how common you at the character seem. Is she described how you look because that would be even wierder! I love ...

Hey, welcome to YWS! You'll love it here. You certainally have major potential and you ain't afraid to show it. That's really good, shows your a good author. As always, ...

Heya Roal, O.K, well it seems like a perfectly good idea. I love it when writers give their settings cool names like Awa. However, the nit picks are what I'm ...

Hi, BlackRose here X I like the whole idea and where your taking the story but one thing stood out to me the most. Description. When you describe something it ...

Heya. It was a brilliant piece of writing and it left me asking a lot of questions. I love your choice of name by the way! Very different and suits ...

Hey, a follow Novice here, Just like Kaedee, I think this piece has lots of potential and the only problem it has is the description. If you chuck in a ...

I reviewed your forward piece and completely loved it. This time you haven't got as much description, but it can be hard to fit description in when your story is ...

Hey, I love the whole idea. It looks great. But there's always something nit picky, isn't there. O.K. First of all, like the review before me, you need to break ...

Heya, I like the idea's you have going on here. It really has some potential. When I read it the main thing that stood out was the characters. The girl, ...