Azirah

This is a toothpick-test review. It means I haven't read any of the previous chapters, but I'm going to review this chapter as if I was in a bookstore, picked ...

I'll agree this is better than your other work, and it has most of what was missing in the other piece. I'm going to have to say I still have ...

I'll be completely honest. I tried to finish it, but I couldn't. I think the main problem with this is that the protagonist does not seem to want anything? I'm ...

Another filler chapter. Every single scene in your novel must do one of two things: it must either a. advance the plot, or b. develop your characters. Ideally, it does ...

Before anything else, you made a common mistake in a few of your sentences. [verb 1]ing, X does {verb 2}. This means that verbs 1 and 2 are being done ...

Others have pointed out the spelling mistakes, so I won't go into that. I'll tackle your first person POV instead. Is the protagonist a girl? If the name Jack is ...

This read too fast for it to scare me, or have me feeling anything, for that matter. The fear in horror lies partly in the wait. If you read any ...

I couldn't really finish it, to be honest. It was mostly because of the spelling and grammar errors, although the angst had a part in it too. I haven't gone ...

It's been pointed out that this doesn't quite bring across a story, but I beg to disagree. There is a story - there's clearly a conflict, a beginning, some characters, ...

Italics for emphasis is a turn-off. The words should be able to stand for themselves. If you really want to bring someone's attention to it, introduce a line break before ...

All right. So I'll admit having read the first chapter right after I read this prologue, because this prologue was, out of the few prologues I've read in this site ...

As far as I'm concerned, this is such a large infodump it's nearly impossible to tell how good of a writer you are from this piece alone. This is nothing ...

You broke character in plenty of places. First person requires that the writer doesn't use words that couldn't have possibly come from the character, and you violated this rule quite ...

I'll admit this is excellent writing - it's executed almost flawlessly. Apart from a few areas where the flow was a bit rough, the writing was beautiful and consistent, and ...

Good evening. The first person point of view is a curious thing, did you know? It offers plenty of rewards for the readers, but demands the world of the writer. ...