Ardor

Don't forget: I have also posted part 2 in the same forum. Like I said before, you won't be expecting the opening line of chapter 2 to be "I want ...

God this is so great. Keep up the good work. You have got me hooked.

Edited :)

God this reception is way better than the reaction at WritersBeat I can tell you that lol.

Thank you skipperwhipped for the feedback. I am to post chapter two later on today. Indeed, the transitions can be a bit confusing at times but take note that I ...

Thank you; she is very pretty. I have an unashamable thing for Asian girls.

What I was trying to convey about that line was that this person seeks pleasure in pain and death. Tony Blair started the whole middle east warfare thing with George ...

Thanks for the review :) I thought no one would read it because there is a story on YWS that has the opening line "I want to fuck her like ...

Very good..........................................................................but needs a bit of editing.

This poem is bipolar. It's schizophrenic. It's all-over-the-fucking-place. I loved it very much. You, my friend, are awesome. I await your next piece of work.

I already have got her- it was written two years ago :). God I am so lucky.

Creepy as hell, but I liked it. Your use of langauge only adds to the gigantic tension throughout the piece. Can't wait to read part 3- part 2 is excellent ...

God you are so great. Where do I begin?

Agreed that the last 2 lines coudl be improved. Great poem overall.

Thank you for your comment shoaib. It is a very personal poem to me- I wrote it for a girl I once knew. However, as time has gone by, she ...