You Don't

This was so sad! Brought many things to my mind, that's for sure! I loved all the emotion you put into this. I don't really see anything to change! Good job.

I enjoyed the choppy aspect of this poem. It kept the poem up to beat and "matter-of-fact". It doesn't seem to tell the story of a girl that got dumped, but rather an individual that craves a chance, or a second change perhaps. I liked how you described the walk there being shorter, yet the walk back being longer. That says a lot about rejection. All in all, nice job!

Hi Kaywiia,

Somehow, you managed the extraordinary task of saying absolutely nothing while managing to wax on for over fifteen lines of material.

This weepy tale is just a waste of time and tells the reader that... a girl got dumped. That's literally it. The narrator didn't even bother to create a scene in the first place, to weave together a fabric upon which the egg and meat of the poem could rest before hatching. Just an empty shell only worth a 30-second sound bite on Jerry Springer.

If that was what you were going for, congratulations. If not, then delete all of this and start over. Focus on the surroundings, the symbols that represent the pain but do not scream your theme into the cosmos. But until that happens, the reader just faces a barely comprehensible - and hastily written - diary entry by an angsty teenage girl. And that is supremely uninteresting.

Hope that helped,
Galerius

this poem is pretty good, but you need to separate it into stanzas to separate each new thought:

I pause,
hoping you'll reconsider,
Call my name.
Wait.
Change of heart.
Gentle kiss.
Quiet goodnight.you could have pressed enter
like that.
You don't.
And the wind seems
colder already.
Long walk ahead
that seemed shorter
when coming.
enter button.
Door shut
in my face.
And I stand there,
hoping for
Reopening
with a flower.
And an apology.
enter button
Miss you already.
You don't.
Night comes on.
I walk away.
You don't call my name.

Hey, these short sentences are groovy
I do declare that these poems should be more popular as I love poems like this - and it looks like you've got the nack o.O

This is short but totally inspiring.
You're a good bean. Keep on writing so's I can keep on reading!

I don't really want to criticise this properly, actually. Sometimes I feel the need to.
But I think that this is yours and solely yours and you should keep it the way it is.
Oh! Oh! Just this;

And an aopology.

Beautifully written. I just adore it. It gave me this feeling I could not describe. It was as if i felt love and lonliness at the same time. Keep up the good work.

God this is so great. Keep up the good work. You have got me hooked.

Nice job! I really liked this. The idea is cool and I like where you put your line breaks. I agree that grammar is your only problem, but it's not too bad- you just need to fix a few things here and there. I love it, keep it up!

It is very good! The only problem is grammer.
But it flows together very fluently and is amazing work! I think you have talent.
Try writitng your works onto microsoft word before publishing it onto yws. It will help keep spelling and punctuation under control.
Spelling is not your problem though you did very well in that sence.
anyway you poem is exceptional.