Aedomir

I didn't understand much of it, but I loved it nonetheless. It cought my attention, and I do not know whether it is symbolic, but wither way I really liked ...

I loved this! It was hilarious! I could just picture this scene, and more or less everything that was going on. The fact that it was mostly dialogue added to ...

Hiya! So, what competition do I have? :wink: "Jase!" I screamed, between splutters, as the thick, pungent smoke slowly smothered my breath, "Where are-" You need not the first comma! ...

Hiya! I just read part 1 and I loved it to bits. Let's see if you can keep uup the impression. made a silver trail to the cement below. Replace ...

Hiya! I haven't read this... I turned my gaze to her; her pale body I would change the first 'her' to a 'Corrie'. She was staring at space with wide ...

Hiya! Mind if I take a look? Thought not... I loved the opening paragraph, very well written, and an excellent catch. gift, to much 'too', homophone :wink: Ignorant of their ...

Hi! Let's see... Waking in a mound of sheets and blankets Danni let out a sigh. Removing the blanket So a mound of one blanket? The first sentence leads me ...

As much as I love he way you portrayed everything here, it feels more so... dramatic writing, mostly because of the lack of fluidity within the lines. I would consider ...

Hiya! Just a few suggestions: along my arms yet cannot picture I reckon an 'I' should go after 'yet'. It doesn't make sense as it stands. I loed that poem... ...

Hi! I wonder... worry lines crinkling around his This isn't the best wy to express someone's anxiety. Show us, don't tell us. What do they look like? Why would you ...

Hiya! staring at her carpeted floor . With a su r prised yelp she fell to floor . Two uses of the world 'floor'. hieght 'height' studeid 'studied' Suddenly, she ...

Hey! :wink: Before I get onto grammar, I will just say... In order to incorporate the year into this, just keep away from anachronisms and just set the story at ...

Hiya! I will give an honest opinion, but I can be quite harsh I am afraid... Can one say that the same thing that brought one person happiness in the ...

Hiya, I know this was put up ages ago, but I love descriptive pieces, so do you mind if I take a peek...? A sliver of night descended the bluff ...

Part One I think I scanned this over a day or two ago when you put it up. growled the one who'd threatened me with the knife This sounds awkward ...