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  • Novel / Chapter » General, General Re: Prologue of 'Bloody Canvas'

    Prologue The boy’s brow furrowed as he guided the paintbrush across the canvas. The #1 chocolate-colored paint blotched on the canvas like blood welling from a wound… Wait a minute, ...

    Oct 23, 2008
  • Short Story » Romantic, General Re: One More Song

    Leona Daniels bolted up in darkness, the alien shadows only adding to the fresh memory of her nightmare… Crouching behind the couch, watching her husband be slaughtered…the maniac’s eyes meeting

    Oct 23, 2008
  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, General Re: The Institute, Part One

    This was good, but I saw a few grammar and punctuation mistakes in there, though I don't remember where. I think you should add some sort of prologue, or just ...

    Oct 23, 2008
  • Short Story » Action / Adventure, General Re: Vampires are not scary!

    There's not much to say. I will be looking for this when you've re-written it. Tell your teacher to zip up the man-pants and hurry up! I would CHANGE THE ...

    Oct 21, 2008
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: Alvalor 2.1

    Will looked around the little cabin as Napodi hurried off to find her father. It was small and rustic, yet had an almost homey feeling to it. The windows had ...

    Oct 1, 2008
  • Short Story » General, General Re: The Note

    I think this is good, but I also think it could use a little work. First of all, I think that instead of just laying out in front of everyone ...

    Sep 24, 2008
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: I Love You

    "Like selfish vines, thorns that inxtoicate me with," I'd get rid of the "with", and is "inxtoicate" a word? And if it is, does it have to do with suffocating ...

    Sep 24, 2008
  • Short Story » Fantasy, General Re: My Frozen Blood

    I liked this! I didn't see any crucial grammar or spelling errors, but I have to say, when I first glanced at this, I reeled at the sight of those ...

    Sep 24, 2008
  • Short Story » Science Fiction, General Re: Cimber

    Hi! Welcome to YWS! This was good, there was a lot of feeling in it, even if it's a little misplaced in some parts. I think you should try a ...

    Sep 24, 2008
  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: This Timely Parade

    "On the beach before the piano, the little lass remained." "beach" to "bench" "But look here, don't be fooled by the second hand dress," I would put a colon after ...

    Sep 23, 2008
  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: They Laugh.

    And I laughed with them. This was very good. I couldn't say that it was "awkward". This is a poem written with feeling and clarity. Sometimes I thought the meter ...

    Sep 22, 2008
  • Short Story » Fanfiction, General Re: The Tale of Remus Lupin

    [quote] It all started on a cold, wet winter night when Remus was only a small boy of 5 (five). He did not understand what was worrying his parents so ...

    Sep 11, 2008
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: Well of unsaid things

    There is nothing that lies between us Except a well of unsaid things Words which are not permitted to sound Regrets that can never be voiced As the days pass ...

    Sep 11, 2008
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Last Night

    And alas, the burning grip of a loyal friend saved me from the ranks of angry brothers, From the guns of Easter and the songs of Winter, from a certain ...

    Sep 11, 2008
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: I Am Awake

    This was . . . very illuminating. Very dramatic. Very . . . I don't know the right word. Some might say disturbing, but I like how you used this ...

    Sep 11, 2008


it is quite something to wound someone and then pity their scars
— canopy