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Re: Prologue of 'Bloody Canvas'
Prologue The boy’s brow furrowed as he guided the paintbrush across the canvas. The #1 chocolate-colored paint blotched on the canvas like blood welling from a wound… Wait a minute, ...
Oct 23, 2008 -
Re: One More Song
Leona Daniels bolted up in darkness, the alien shadows only adding to the fresh memory of her nightmare… Crouching behind the couch, watching her husband be slaughtered…the maniac’s eyes meeting
Oct 23, 2008 -
Re: The Institute, Part One
This was good, but I saw a few grammar and punctuation mistakes in there, though I don't remember where. I think you should add some sort of prologue, or just ...
Oct 23, 2008 -
Re: Vampires are not scary!
There's not much to say. I will be looking for this when you've re-written it. Tell your teacher to zip up the man-pants and hurry up! I would CHANGE THE ...
Oct 21, 2008 -
Re: Alvalor 2.1
Will looked around the little cabin as Napodi hurried off to find her father. It was small and rustic, yet had an almost homey feeling to it. The windows had ...
Oct 1, 2008 -
Re: The Note
I think this is good, but I also think it could use a little work. First of all, I think that instead of just laying out in front of everyone ...
Sep 24, 2008 -
Re: I Love You
"Like selfish vines, thorns that inxtoicate me with," I'd get rid of the "with", and is "inxtoicate" a word? And if it is, does it have to do with suffocating ...
Sep 24, 2008 -
Re: My Frozen Blood
I liked this! I didn't see any crucial grammar or spelling errors, but I have to say, when I first glanced at this, I reeled at the sight of those ...
Sep 24, 2008 -
Re: Cimber
Hi! Welcome to YWS! This was good, there was a lot of feeling in it, even if it's a little misplaced in some parts. I think you should try a ...
Sep 24, 2008 -
Re: This Timely Parade
"On the beach before the piano, the little lass remained." "beach" to "bench" "But look here, don't be fooled by the second hand dress," I would put a colon after ...
Sep 23, 2008 -
Re: They Laugh.
And I laughed with them. This was very good. I couldn't say that it was "awkward". This is a poem written with feeling and clarity. Sometimes I thought the meter ...
Sep 22, 2008 -
Re: The Tale of Remus Lupin
[quote] It all started on a cold, wet winter night when Remus was only a small boy of 5 (five). He did not understand what was worrying his parents so ...
Sep 11, 2008 -
Re: Well of unsaid things
There is nothing that lies between us Except a well of unsaid things Words which are not permitted to sound Regrets that can never be voiced As the days pass ...
Sep 11, 2008 -
Re: Last Night
And alas, the burning grip of a loyal friend saved me from the ranks of angry brothers, From the guns of Easter and the songs of Winter, from a certain ...
Sep 11, 2008 -
Re: I Am Awake
This was . . . very illuminating. Very dramatic. Very . . . I don't know the right word. Some might say disturbing, but I like how you used this ...
Sep 11, 2008
