1wasprt

Hey, big fan of this story. On to the review! Mistakes “There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you Aulani?” There shouldn't be a question mark at the end of ...

Mistakes picked up his worn jacket and, pulling it on, walked lightly over to the table here you said he pulled on his jacket. I don't know if you meant ...

Hey, I liked this chapter more than the last because it explained a bit more and I can start to see the plot fold into place. Mistakes I awake to ...

Hi, I like this story and I think it can turn into something. Mistakes I don't think I really found any mistakes, you were good about that. Plot I like ...

This is a very good piece of work, very descriptive. What I would advise is maybe giving a little more detail on a theme. I didn't really understand what this ...

I really liked this story. At first I was like, oh, another story all about vampires, but you added all of the mythical creatures. I liked that. There was a ...

Well while I was reading through it I noticed that it was extremely long, so you might want to break it up into parts or something. I like your use ...

Well first of all I think that you need to split it up into smaller parts. Also I didn't get it at the beginning, and to be honest I really ...

I really like these kind of stories. The only thing that I would improve is how descriptive some of the story is. In the beginning when you mention the boy, ...

I think that you need to slow down and take the time and draw a picture when you write. You jump from place to place as if we knew what ...

I liked the beginning because it kept me wondering what was happening. You should continue to keep the people wondering what was going on instead of just bringing it out ...