-KayJuran-

Okay, as much as I loved it, I think the beginning may need some work. I had to re-read it before I realised who was doing the talking. It's not ...

One thing I don't understand.. she's running, clutching on to her bag, obviously in a bit of a panic.. and yet, at the beginning, you say she's 'plodding' along. As ...

I think this was well-written, and it had an interesting storyline. I don’t really think you need so much swearing though, and there was a lot of slang. That doesn’t ...

Ah, Adam, you already know I love it. ;) Though.. y'know, maybe I'm biased what with me being in it and all.. There are a few spelling and grammar errors ...

I've never heard of 'crimson tears' being a cliche, but I'd agree with the crying themes. I actually quite liked it. The beginning was definitely the best bit though, as ...

A beautiful paradise all alone while the sun in the sky dimmer shone. I'm pretty sure this doesn't rhyme, unless Americans pronounce one of these words differently.. The last line ...

I have a small suspicion that at least some of these characters are based on real characters... Church has a radio turned on full blast Am I right..? :wink:

That was quite funny! :P And.. so, so true. If you got this printed out, you could try changing the format so that none of the text goes under the ...

Jay: (sitting up) I guess we will start when I died. Gotta be the juiciest part of my life. ^ Isn't it John who died? Or did they both die? ...

Well, he certainly seems an.. interesting character.. :P Just a few things to comment on here. as he made funny noises, he just couldn't decide. ^ Should be a semi-colon ...

I'm liking this at the moment, but there are ways you can improve it. This needs more paragraphing, and possibly some semi-colons as well. It was also a bit too ...

I like how this is a fanfiction and you can see definate links with Miyazaki's Spirited Away, but at the same time, this isn't just a regurgitation of the original ...

Irish Gaelic looks so pretty! - I want to learn it!! :P Can't find much that needs improvement. I'd agree with the others in that both dialogue and dialect are ...

were deep in conversation. ^ The 'questioning' seemed quite uncomfortable, if anything, and for this reason, I wouldn't have said that they were 'deep in conversation'. You could actually say ...

As TBR said, the guy would prob have had to have long hair for this to work, but then if you watch Pride & Predujice, there are some guys in ...