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  • Mageheart
    Aug 2, 2022

    Happy birthday~! ✨🎊🎉

  • Mageheart
    Aug 2, 2020

    Happy birthday!

  • LittleLee
    Aug 2, 2020

    Happy birthday!!!

    I love your avvie, by the way.

  • Mageheart
    Aug 2, 2019

    Happy birthday! <3

  • Mageheart
    Aug 2, 2018

    Happy birthday! I hope you have a wonderful day.

  • Mageheart
    Aug 2, 2017

    Happy birthday! I hope you have a wonderful day.

  • Mageheart
    Aug 2, 2016

    Happy birthday, @MamaLama95 I hope you have an awesome day! :D

  • OceanGirl
    Aug 2, 2013

    Happy Birthday!!!

  • MamaLama95
    Apr 26, 2012

    Urgh, I'm terrible at this. I expect none of you to forgive me for my absence and my lack of reviewing. Over the next few days I have tests and deadlines coming up, so I'll start reviewing vociferously in about three weeks time. Anything you want me to read then, send me a message. I have a new poem up too, tell me what you think.
    Thank you. You are all beautiful people.

  • Back after a REALLY long break. School, love, life, it all caught up with me.
    I hope you'll all still accept me back.

    MasterGrieves OMG. I REMEMBER YOU.
    Mar 5, 2012

  • Finally; a holiday.

  • Rascalover
    Aug 3, 2011

    Just droppin by to see how things are goin :)

    MamaLama95 Not bad. I was denied Internet for the past week or so, therefore I've been behind on my reviewing. But I'll make that up tomorrow hopefully. I'm actually on holiday now, in Poland, so I'm stepping back from my review spotlight.
    How about you, how's everything?

    Aug 4, 2011

    Rascalover Poland? Holiday? :) sounds good. I'm on summer break getting ready for my first year of college. Glad you got your Internet back.
    Aug 4, 2011

  • MasterGrieves
    Aug 1, 2011

    Hi there MamaLama :) Just filling you in on some things about that novel I started planning.

    I have an official name for this novel. It is called The Nation's Slaughterhouse. Like my other novel, Pornography Kiss, it is intended to have a critical message carrying within the words. Even the title itself is meant to grab your attention. For this novel so far, I have been influenced by writers like William Burroughs and JG Ballard, and influenced by albums like The Holy Bible (Manic Street Preachers) and Unknown Pleasures (Joy Division). If you haven't heard these albums, I recommend them.

    I have changed the preface entirely, from the kids shooting up a school to politicians talking around a table in a cafe. I have decided to change the preface because I feel it sets the main message of the novel in full swing, and I hope it stays that way. I may post it on the site. BTW I am British, so when I mention a political party it is a British one, like Labour.

    PART ONE: The first part of the novel is called Temptation. It is in the point of view of a rich, upper class business man who spends a holiday in a small mining town. It is there where he gradually goes insane, but I have yet to fully develop that idea. Perhaps he goes insane because the people are different? The message of this part is that people who come from an upper class background (e.g. Conservatives) do not understand ordinary working lives very well.

    PART TWO: This part is called House Of Knives. It is set in a POW camp during the war of Vietnam. However, instead of being in the point of view of the soldier being captured and tortured, it is in the perspective of the person doing the torturing. Despite the fact that the character does this horrible job, he remains optimistic throughout, therefore creating irony. The main message of this part is how war changes people's minds and makes them become different people.

    PART THREE: The final part is called Corporate Whore. It is in the point of view of a prostitute, and her view of society's portrayal of prostitutes. She is a client for a pimp (of course) and is physically abused alot. However, one night, she and all of the other clients spark off a revolt against the pimp. They torture him and- dare I say it- take turns to fuck him with a strap-on. The main message of this part is that prostitues are humans too. They can protest and have all the human rights they are being denied.

    So, hope to here back from you.

    MamaLama95 I like it. In general, you've got a very dark theme going, but I think some little details could be improved, if you haven't given them thought already.
    For example, the Corporate Whore part is a very interesting idea to take on, and I'm curious to see how you'll handle it. But the one problem I have with that part is that I think despite the fact that you make the prostitutes seem human and free, you desensitize them and make them cruel by the act of all of them torturing and raping the pimp. You can still do that of course, to show the dark side of human nature, but I think you should have what I like to call threads of hope. Have one character, or two, or whatever, who dismiss what the prostitutes do, and accept that they have regained their freedom without the need to harm someone in return for it. This is just an example, which you can apply to part one, two or three.
    I think the POW camp part will be the best so far. You've created an oxymoronic character, which is great because readers love that. Also, you could add a hint of madness to him, perhaps making him overly cautious, slightly paranoid, maybe a touch of OCD or something, showing how he's converting the guilt he feels into little everyday occurrences so that he retains some optimism and doesn't succumb to the darkness.
    And the first part sounds good; however, you're going to have to make the madness interesting. And I mean interesting enough that it's not marred by part two and three.
    You've taken on some really intriguing themes, and I'd definitely love to read it when you've got something going.

    Aug 4, 2011

  • Thank you

  • MasterGrieves
    Jul 24, 2011

    Hi there MamaLama95 I know this is probably not very smart of me, but on top of Pornography Kiss, I am planning another novel. The name is yet to be decided, but I have a clear outline of what it is to be about.

    There is to be a preface, which I will get to in a moment, and 3 significant parts linked not to a story but by a theme. These three parts are from the perspective of 3 different people, in different time periods. Including the preface, they are to be revolving around certain parts of history e.g. one part is set during the JFK assassination. My aim is to do what my other stories do: expose the dark side of human nature.

    The preface itself is in the point of view of Eric Harris, who brought a gun in school with his friend and killed 12 students, a teacher and themselves. Here is the preface; tell me what you think please. After all, you are the master of modern story telling.

    'I never knew that this would one day come in handy. My brother’s gun, used in the Gulf war to be precise, is clutched in the outer corners of my trouser pocket. I have been told to not use it this time, though I was pretty enthusiastic when I got it 4 years ago. Imagine that: 4 years without firing a single shot. The bullets in my gun must be old and crooked. If so, I can ask my friend for some better ones.

    We are here to prove ourselves, once and for all. Walking up to the path, on an “average” day to school, I keep my gun in my pocket. The smooth metal rubs across my hand. I look up to the sky- to reflect the sun’s ravenous rays on my face. I am born again. I am the phoenix resurrected from the ashes of verbal abuse. Bullies think they’ve seen the true side of me. Well, they are wrong.

    They say I am “fucked up”, so to speak, simply because of who I really am. The posters of my role models have given me hope. They have all given me my own sense of identity, like the smiley people on those propaganda posters. It was because of him I can do this. Me and my friend- the modern day Bonnie and Clyde they’ll call us- will run away from all this, never to return in the face of the real world. As far as I can tell, there is no real world.

    The holy hour dawns, the church bell ring, and here I am walking through hell with my friend. The weather is so lovely I feel like bathing in the irony of what is to happen as soon as I walk past the school gates. The first time I smiled this summer was when the rain was falling relentlessly. The ground, shattered by years of drips on the pavement, shook beneath. What we are to do will cure them of their stupidity as much as it will cure our temptation.

    The front of the school, though wholesome and innocent to the eyes of the possessed, is the home of chickens due to have their heads hacked off. It is there by the gates we will make our first move. Upon touching the actual fence we are digging up our own abyss, for the others to fall in. The windows are delicate glass, the trees around us green with the envy that people never have for us, which they should.

    The double doors open up, thus the black hole of curiosity and misery keeps us in for as long as we want. The ground, a single stroke of pavement, is detached from the grass and flowers around us. Upon walking down this one sided path, we look up to the clock. It is 8:35. We are late to class. We didn’t come to learn anyway. We come to teach these bastards a lesson.

    The smiles we have on our faces are to be repeated over and over again in our heads on the face of this rotten city. I’ll be damned if the world agrees with us. The world is a walking hypocrite. We are to prove them wrong in approximately 2 minutes. The doors will burst open. Bullets will be sprayed. We are now enlightened.

    The ideas I have for change have been neglected by the members of management for quite some time. Perhaps we should put a bullet in their heads too. Teach them a thing or two about respect.'

    So, what do you think?

    MamaLama95 The master of modern story-telling? Wow, if that wasn't intended as hyperbole, I think it should be, but I'm very flattered.

    Alright, down to business.

    1) I like the idea of linking three stories with a theme, and not each other - rare thing to see in novels, and it could work, but you have to be careful how you execute it. If you just make it a trio of stories in one book; it might not be as effective as if you did it all at the same time. As in, keeping all the stories progressing at similar stages, or perhaps ending one more abruptly than the other two. I think you know what I mean, but if not then let me know and I'll explain my point further.

    2) The dark side of human nature is a brilliant idea. Although, I do think you should include elements of optimism, and good characters that the reader can identify with - this would create a sharp contrast with the much greater theme of darkness in the stories, and so would make the victory of either one much more powerful to the reader. I don't know how you're going to end all the stories, but don't keep it the same - don't always let evil win, but don't make the reader naively think that it will lose all the time either. Again, if you need me to explain this, let me know.

    3) The preface is quite good. You've made the character psychotic, and very firmly placed in their beliefs, which is brilliant. It's exactly the way I'd imagine a school killer to think; however, I think the beginning was a little misguided. I like how you explained the origin of the gun, but to be honest, I don't think a big brother would give his sibling a working gun. You could make it significantly more realistic if you described stealing the gun, (or whatever you come up with) and this would emphasize the desperation and sociopathic nature of the character, as well as keep in time with realism. I also love the idea of Eric having a friend who wants to help him through this, but again, remember not to make every character evil or in league with your main personas.

    All in all, I'm excited to see this come through. I'm working on a project myself; not a novel, but a lengthier story which I dreamed up, to be honest. If you ever have some time, take a look at it, it's in the Adventure/Action Short Story section and it's called 'El Protetor'.

    If you need me to explain anything, or read any more drafts or previews, send me a PM or post on my wall - I'm always free to help. Thanks for asking for my opinion by the way, I really appreciate this. Good luck with the writing.

    Jul 24, 2011

You are beautiful because you let yourself feel, and that is a brave thing indeed.
— Shinji Moon