Abandoned

An old yellow car hangs onto the ferris wheel by one wire, rust engulfing it
The weeds have overtaken the old, peeled roller coasters
The clouds gather up above it, threatening down pour
It wouldn't help the mood of the park...

The kiddie rides, haunting memories of the smiles and laughter
Graffiti liters the walls and rides
No more screams of joy fill this park as they once did before the storm
The silence of loneliness replaces it

The faded clown smiles stare me down as I loom through the old, worn park
This place is so eerie yet scenic after the devastation of Katrina
A single plant sprouts from the concrete in front of the arcade
Poor stuffed animals will never have young kids to play with

Teddy bears eye's overflowing with stuffing like they're crying
Broken windows reveal dull colors of old, torn restaurant waiting for people to occupy it yet again
No life occupies the desolate park except for a flock of mocking crows
This whole park is like a bad dream

Now it is just a haunting, old shadow on the horizon
Standing over the city, a vast canvas for delinquents
Always a reminder that Katrina killed this park
Standing lopsided and rusted, casting a shadow on Louisiana

A note from the writer
Hi guys! This poem is based off the old six flags in new orleans. I went to go see it and I decided to write a poem about it. When Katrina struck it took this whole park down with it and if you want pictures just look up on google images "Six flags New Orleans" But it was really eerie and it made a very good muse. I don't know if I should make it into a story or not.... Okay hope you enjoyed!
~ Neonwriter <

You have a really good idea here but I don't think you gave it your all. I think that you should have gone in more depth with your description because now that you explained what your whole poem is based off, I don't think you went as hard as you should have. Hurrican Katrina was very traumatic and even though I never experienced it, from the news, I could just feel the people's hardships. Use the people's hardships in that amusement park and keep looking at those pics of the destroyed Six Flags. Good luck and keep writing.

I agree with AngelKnight. This poem is rather mild and half-hearted when based on a topic such as Katrina. I would recommend more emotional output. You have represented a scene well, but it was not the scene that you were aiming for. When I read this poem, until I got to the line about Katrina, I thought you were just describing an old disused theme park that went bust or something. There isn't enough devastation written into your words. I would rewrite the poem or make it about any random abandoned theme park instead of weighing it against something so terrible with mild words.