Four Untitled Poems...

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Gender Male
Points 575
Reviews 80
A life lived a thousand times is no life at all:
Like an intelligent word repeated is pretentious;
Like a dress worn again is out of fashion;
Like a mistake made twice is a downfall;
Like a poem re-written is plagiarized;
Like a saying overtly chanted is a slogan;
Like a thing borrowed too long is stolen;
A life is to be lived once, for fear of being shallow –
And yet all the shallow things that live life!


Spoiler
This next one was inspired recently by the Oscar winning documentary "Man on Wire;" CHECK IT OUT!

Lights shine across the city beneath me,
And move through the labyrinth streets;
Leading nowhere and going nowhere.
Only wanting darkness to shine,
And only needing a spark to shine;
All things illuminated in time.
And all things black in time again.
Yet the sun still shines and
The city still pulses, and lights still
Move through the city beneath me;
And children still play in the tower above me.
Yet death still calls to the heart within me –
While life still enthralls the soul that is me.


A child is a
Copse in its earliest
Incarnation:

Before there is hair
And nails, and pimples,
And love, and war,
And books, and music,
And flowers, and death -
There is a human
Being,

Waiting to be legitimatized…




You have made me bankrupt;
Because:
My pants keep falling down,
When you come around,
That I’ve lost so many pairs of pants,
And bought so many more,
That if (when) we ever meet again,
I’ll be legitimately poor.




Cold fire burning
Spectacular show tonight
What happened to us?
"This is our decision,
to live fast and die young...
Yeah it's overwhelming,
but what else can we do?
Get jobs in offices and
wake up for the morning commute?

The models will have children,
we'll get a divorce,
find some more models;
everything must run its course!

Fated to Pretend




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1145
Reviews 104
These are good. I really liked the first one. There were a hell of a lot of similes. The message is really relatable, too, trying to figure out the standards for what makes a life a success. The second one, I also liked a lot because it sort of describes the way the world never really sleeps, no matter what's happening in your life. Good work, and keep it up. I hope that my review helps.
"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known..." A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 913
Reviews 53
I like! I found the first poem amusing. I really couldn't criticize anything. Thumbs up on this one.;)
'when I'm gone, my words will remain...
your word is a weapon, either of destruction or re-construction, whatever you make of it,
It's your choice.'




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4980
Reviews 96
Not to bad. The first poem and the third poem are the better ones. The second poem doesn't flow too well as ending a line with and or an incomplete phrase isn't that good. The haiku is a bit rough as the first line has only 4 syllables instead of 5 and the lines aren't related that well, so it fails to make sense.
The poem about the child is pretty good, it flows pretty well: no problems there.
The second one is really good. The imagery works well.
Overall, not too bad.
Noni Naps Through Nano
NaPoWriMo 2016
Stories Not Otherwise My Own

AnnieJaePayne
The Three Ninjateers
Being awesome since Jan 2012.



they got that magical iridescence that you don't expect to be on a sky rat y'know
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