What Reviewers Wish They Could Say, but Don't.

"Tell me: what is artistic about un-organized writing with no flow or plot?"

"If you can honestly tell me that you spent more than five minutes on this story, I will call for the resignation of your English Teacher."

"... which is why this is the most repulsive and disgusting story I have ever read. Next sentence."

"Why did I even bother to click the link to this story?"

"I will send you the doctors bill for treatment regarding the migraine your story gave me."

"Your last story nearly gave me seizures."

"For the love of god, country, and all that is good on Earth: delete your post, remove the story from your hard drive, and disinfect your keyboard thoroughly."

"OK, firstly, sentences need to begin with capitals and end with fullstops. Words need spaces between them all the time, not just when you feel like it, and commas aren't either spaces or fullstops, and will never be no matter how much you believe it. Now, as for the second sentence ..."

"While it is true that every now and again you find something in life that is optional, capital letters aren't one of those things."

"Wow, your story seemed to have a lot of stuff compressed into a tiny amount of space, just like the other things in my trash compactor."

"Make sure to use the spellchecker (I'll be replaced by a robot if this keeps up.)"

"AIGHH! Your story is complete cr@p! You didn't use grammar, forget about punctuation. Also, you continually used the word "um..." and the story is about two completely incompatible people in a pornographic novel! It is for this reason that I have asked for and recieved your IP address. I will soon dispatch assassins to wipe out your hard drive, you, and anything you may have contaminated. Don't thank me, your head on a silver platter will be quite enough."