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Mental Health

  • Spoiler! :
    I used to be so excited about being a teenager and growing up. It's finally (kind of) happening and I hate it so, so much. I just want to be a kid again. I can't stand it and I feel like a stranger in my own skin and I feel so terrible and I hate it so so much and all I want to do is stop growing even though I've barely started growing at all. I hate the idea of it so much and all I want is to stay the same. I can't stand it and I feel sick and I want to stay how I am and I hate that I can't control anything anymore. I hate it hate it hate it so much

  • also, here’s a hug for everyone.

  • long vent

    Spoiler! :
    i feel like such a jerkhead whenever i vent or try to vent because my mind thinks, “oh, there is someone else who is feeling bad, so if i vent, it will put all the attention on me. i shouldn’t vent, then.” and then tuck my feelings in a dark corner in a brightly lit room. and then stare at the computer screen, doing nothing but scroll the internet. not even doing one of my hobbies, because i barely do those. i’m so lazy. i’m so lazy and i hate it. all i do is stare at this screen. im doing school and staring at this screen. i’m scrolling the internet i’m staring at this screen. everyday.
    i’m sick of being lazy.
    i’m sick of doing the same things, over and over and over and over.
    i’m sick of myself.
    i would honestly disappear off the face of the earth and the internet, haha. (totally don’t think about deleting my online profiles nearly everyday.)

  • I like watching TV alone because I can smile quietly to myself instead of feeling like I'm part of the performance. It seems like everyone around me expects some rambunctious act when I really just want to sit and enjoy the show.

  • i had this friend at school who was a refugee from Ukraine, I changed my whole schedule around to make friends with her and got obsessed with learning Ukrainian and became pretty good friends with her, but it was never quite the same because of the language barrier and the fact I didn't understand what it was like to leave my home and go to a foreign country. she moved to Georgia over the summer...I texted her a few days ago and didn't get a response for a while, and my brain just went "You made a fool of yourself trying to be friends with her and she doesn't like you because you're cringey" and "You've really screwed things up now, she'll never talk to you again now"
    and she texted me back yesterday "Hi, I'm good, I miss you too" and just seeing her name and "I miss you too" on the home screen of my phone and knowing that she doesn't think I'm weird and hate me was just so amazing, and we had a really nice conversation and just that little confidence boost felt so amazing. I love her so much <333

    Quillfeather Think of your friendship like a wonderful season that has ended now. If we all stayed friends forever how would we grow older, experience new things, make new friends, and grow as people. I am sure you had some wonderful times with her you will never forget. It's obvious she doesn't hate you but your lives went different ways and they are both much better because they intertwined at one point. It's beautiful really
    Feb 19, 2024

  • I wish my mind could shut up about all the horrible immature things I've said in the past.
    Hell, I never thought I'd be that one person whose like 'oh I was really immature in my past and said/did a lot of stupid shit' and I don't even understand how or why I became that way but yeah. That's where I stand and I hate it.

    avianwings47 Not sure what you classify as “immature,” but I was suuuuper cringe and weird in middle school. We all go through different places in our lives, and those past places don’t have to define us. <333
    Feb 17, 2024

    Zyria Thanks <333
    Well, this isn't typical 'cringe'. I've said some homophobic things and never did a good job holding myself accountable when confronted, and well, I'd get unnecessarily rude with atheists. Now I just look back at that behavior and think 'damn, I was just another reason for people to despise Christians and contributing to the problem'

    Feb 17, 2024

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  • Seems like I keep having more and more days where nothing is fun and I can't figure out why.

    fatherfig <333 you arent alone in it
    Feb 15, 2024

  • today yet again i was trying to talk to acquaintance friends and no one was listening (happens all day every day no matter what i'm talking about) and said "never mind i'll just shut up" and now they're joking about how i'm *always* like "Oh me I'm so sad and no one likes me blah my life is so hard"
    Every time I open my mouth, you either ignore me or say shut up. The one time I chose not to waste my breath you decide I'm trying to act pitiful. I always say everything wrong and mess everything up and I'm too much of this or not enough and I can't even talk without stuttering or saying the wrong words. And me coming on here and talking about my problems makes me feel like I'm only proving their point that I'm trying to get other people to worry about me and act sad and depressed and fake having problems. Ughhhhhhh I never do anything right

    avianwings47 Our experiences are different, but in my old friend group, I always felt like I was ignored, too. Just know you’re not doing anything wrong. You have a voice and an opinion that matters. Your struggles are real and valid. Sometimes, you just have to find the right people who will listen <333
    Feb 14, 2024

    fatherfig you arent the one not doing things right in this relationship, your 'friends' dont respect you. they arent good friends. this isnt on you.
    Feb 14, 2024

  • i want to be more active on yws, but i just feel like people don't care about me, and most of the people that i know do aren't active anymore. i know in the end people move on and new people join, and it's great that our community is growing, but i feel like i don't know anyone anymore. i just wish some of my old friends were still active.

    fatherfig <333 i remember and love you
    Feb 14, 2024

    alliyah <3
    Feb 14, 2024

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  • im insanely behind and i am probably gonna fail my classes and im having trouble doing my work or caring and i hate it

  • feeling like i constantly bring negativity everywhere i go. i want to be warm and outgoing, but i'm not sure how. i will always be unsettling and unlikable.

    fatherfig i like you dude, it might not be much but you havent unsettled me yet XD <333
    Feb 7, 2024

  • i hate myself so much lately. maybe i should just never talk again lol *sob*

    RazorSharpPencil Star you should not hate yourself. You are an awesome person.
    Feb 6, 2024

    fatherfig <333 how about only talk to people who deserve it cause you are amazing
    Feb 6, 2024

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  • When I was younger I was such a perfectionist that if I did something even mildly wrong, I thought I needed to be 'punished' so I didn't do it again. So I would skip meals as a form of self-discipline over tiny things, and now I can see every bone in my rib cage and trace the outline of my sternum under my skin. I feel like that's not healthy.

    Shady It's really, really not and I truly hope you're able to break out of that pattern <3 I know from personal experience how hard it is to manage an ED but it's really and truly worth it to fight against disordered eating. It harms your health in the long term. You never have to earn food - not with exercise, not with dieting, not ever. You deserve food just by being alive <3333
    Feb 3, 2024

  • i just love it when mean/popular/sometimes nice/unapologetic Regina George girl who I've known since sixth grade and have 6 classes with constantly talks about how much better I would look with a "glow up." Apparently all she thinks about when she looks about me is how I could "actually look pretty" if my eyebrows had a different shape or my eyelashes were darker or if I had a middle part or wore make up or different clothes. like "dude stop I already don't like myself without you confirming that I really am not pretty." seriously considering saying "tell me something I don't already know." She also keeps saying-in front of stupid jerk boys-"If I was as flat as Hannah I'd weigh five pounds." She's nice sometimes though. After she was nice to me for like a week and then started being mean again I asked her friend to ask her why she didn't like me, and he-who has always been nice and plays the viola in my orchestra class-said "There are some annoying parts." According to my friend, apparently if I ever share information about my life with other people then I am someone who just has to tell people everything.
    Today, our warm-up in language arts was writing about our feelings regarding conflict. Our teacher was like "raise your hand if you like drama. okay, raise your hand if you like to hear about drama but not participate in it." and even though I HATE drama a lot and stay as far away as I can from it (unless there are lighters or knives a lot) this girl just yells out "THAT'S HANNAH. THAT IS SO HANNAH." And it's only been once when she was telling me about something that happened and I didn't know the people involved. That is IT. And apparently she weighs like thirty more pounds than me and she's like "It's because you're flat. Look at my legs. Look at your legs. Look at your chest. Look at mine. Look at your back. Now look at mine. See why?" I hate feeling this way. she's such a jerk. (don't think too much of this I just took a melatonin, I'm exhausted, and its friday evening and my whole family is in a bad mood I'm fine and don't feel this way all the time. Just-UGH I miss seventh grade and being a little kid.)
    anyways. I'm okay. but still *sigh* i just hate myself so much sometimes.

  • Spoiler! :
    Today is 24 months, or two years free of self-harm!! :D

    Ari11 Woot woot!!
    Feb 1, 2024

    fatherfig <33333
    Feb 2, 2024

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Follow your inner moonlight; don't hide the madness
— Allen Ginsburg